Guyism » Women

Did this girl flash her ladybits in her high school yearbook?

Katie Nolan — Fri, 25 May 2012 18:45:05 +0000

The Iredell-Statesville School District in North Carolina has their panties in a bunch over the possibility that a female student at Lake Norman High flashed her vajay in a picture printed in their yearbook. The school reached out to parents to issue a warning (which no one even cared too much about), and some people are even saying it’s not a vaj at all but the creases of the girl’s thighs smashing together (ew).

Not like you can weigh in on the matter, though, since this is the only picture I can find of the alleged frontal moon. I even made sure the girl was 18 at the time so you wouldn’t have to be too diligent about clearing your browsing history… but still no dice. Sorry. Either way, it’s pretty clear what needs to be done here: the school needs to recall those yearbooks. Not so the picture can be taken out, but so this girl can rightfully be honored as the class of 2012′s “Most Likely to Be in Porn.”

The new cover of French ‘Vogue’ looks… awesome…?

Katie Nolan — Fri, 25 May 2012 16:00:17 +0000

The new cover of French Vogue features the beautiful Karmen Pedaru, but, uh… I think she’s got something on her face.

Look; I know I’m the girl here and this is supposed to be my thing, but I can’t keep up with fashion. If you need a vivid mental image to drive that point home: I still wear Uggs. With everything. Because those things are the loophole in the rule that says you can’t wear slippers out of the house, and I’ll be damned if I let someone take that away from me.

But you know what? If wiping your face with the towel you just used to check your oil is what’s in right now, then I seriously must have missed a few chapters and I’m totally cool with it if fashion just wants to go ahead without me. As long as someone can let me know when we get to the trend where it’s okay to wear my Forever Lazy to the supermarket. I’ve got a judgmental deli counter employee to whom I’d like to prove a point.

New study shows men like their women drunk and/or asleep

Katie Nolan — Thu, 24 May 2012 20:30:54 +0000

A new study out of the University of Texas at Austin suggests that men are attracted to women who appear drunk, stupid, and sleepy, because they’re much easier to take home for a one-night stand. The study tested 76 male students, which I guess is enough to make sweeping generalizations about mankind, and found that they were more likely to rate a woman as “attractive” if she displayed qualities that made her look easily exploitable.

The theory behind this is nothing new: men possess these bountiful ball sacs full of manseed and they need a place to put it. Women are usually more cautious (since, ya know, that whole “childbirth” thing..), and therefore men are more apt to seek out the ones who have their defenses down. And, like, it’s pretty tough to say no when you’re sleeping… amirite…?!?

Basically what you need to be taking away from this study is nothing. It’s an observation someone took and associated with a biased theory to make it look like science. If you’re going after sleepy girls, you’ll probably continue to do so. If you weren’t, I don’t recommend trying it out just because 76 men in Texas did. Something tells me it might come off a tad rapey.

Why men like ‘dumb-looking’ women [Daily Mail]

6 things I learned by watching HBO’s ‘Girls’

Katie Nolan — Wed, 23 May 2012 19:20:16 +0000

By now you’ve probably heard the buzz about HBO’s new series Girls, created by Lena Dunham. Even still, you have no desire to watch it and hoped someone else would so you wouldn’t have to. Me too. But since I’ve been tasked with covering women, I figured a show named after their existence would be a good place to start some research. So I took one for the team. Here’s what I learned.

6 People who live off their parents money exist

The show’s main character is unemployed and living in Brooklyn, and has no issue asking mommy & daddy for more than A GRAND A MONTH to maintain her super-trendy city lifestyle. Up until now these people were like unicorns to me. Unicorns and uncircumsized penises. I’d heard they exist but had never seen one in real life. And if you’re thinking “It isn’t real life asshole, it’s a TV show,” you must not be aware of the privileged brats that comprise the cast. So… who’s the asshole now?

5 Brian Williams’ daughter is nice to look at

The news anchor’s daughter plays Marnie, and it turns out she’s really kind of hot. And in a pretty adorable way, which is cool. But then also in a rich, snobby, hatefuck kind of way, which can still sometimes be useful.

4 There are no black people in Brooklyn

Since the show is acclaimed for its “realness,” those of us who can’t afford to live in a trendy Manhattan borough can only assume that what happens on this show is what happens in Brooklyn. Gotta say, I expected a lot more minorities. And also some poor people. Then again, if they existed, this show wouldn’t. One of them would’ve murdered these uppity white girls after about 30 seconds of listening to them whine about their first world problems.

3 Girls don’t know a thing about guys

The show’s head writers are both women, and while scenes without girls are rare, they happen. And they’re awkward as hell. You know how you picture “girls night” as a naked pillow fight? Apparently girls think grown men are interested in snooping through a girl’s desk and/or journal. Or that they’d tell a virgin that being the first person to have sex with her “isn’t their thing.” Malarkey.

2 Man boobs don’t only affect men

Which is to say that Lena Dunham can be as comfortable with her body as she wants, but she should remain in a comfortable shirt. Forever. Please and thank you.

1 Some girls will let you jerk off in front of them at a really awkward time and still date you

And who knows? That piece of information might just be useful to you some day.

Woman claims she was fired for being ‘too hot’

Katie Nolan — Tue, 22 May 2012 20:00:07 +0000

Lauren Odes was working at Manhattan-based lingerie company Native Intimates when she claims she was fired for her voluptuous curves and (cough) striking good looks. Odes says she was embarrassed repeatedly at work by her Orthodox Jewish employers, once even having to wear a bathrobe to conceal her figure. She is now suing Native, and will be represented by none other than the infamous Gloria Allred.

I know the standards of beauty are different in Jersey and all, but I have to admit… I don’t see it. If your case is based entirely on the notion that you’re exceedingly attractive, methinks you might encounter some difficulties. Calling you “too hot” is like calling Gloria Allred a “lawyer.”

Fired for being “too hot,” New Jersey woman claims [Reuters]

VICE photo series challenges taboo, is also gross

Katie Nolan — Tue, 22 May 2012 14:20:31 +0000

Photographer Emma Arvida, like most women, has spent much of her lifetime dealing with a “monthly inconvenience.” Unlike most women, Arvida recently published a photo series of said inconvenience entitled “There Will Be Blood”. The (rather unsettling – you’ve been warned) photos show women doing mundane tasks, like reading or jogging, while also getting their periods in a pretty graphic manner in an attempt to challenge the current mindset that women should be ashamed of a natural occurrence like menstruation.

The comments on the site have been overwhelmingly positive, full of words like “beautiful” and “empowering.” Buzzfeed’s Donna D said that while she originally found the photos disgusting or silly, it eventually hit her that “there’s nothing wrong or gross” about them, and a lot of women are coming forward to agree with her. Except me.

That could be because I’m obviously not a feminist, but more likely it’s because I think unattended bodily fluids, regardless of their color and/or origin, are by definition wrong and gross. I mean, if these photos are “every day” activities that most women do while on the rag, then I guess I’m doing it wrong? But sitting in a coffee shop flipping through the latest Hunger Games installment with your legs spread eagle to a window while sporting a pair of granny panties that look like a scene from Carrie is hardly normal. And if the point here is that it should be then I’m really confused.

If I knew anything about photography I’d head out tomorrow and shoot some pictures of people with visible skid marks in their drawers walking their dogs and eating froyo to “make a statement” against society’s distaste for poop. Luckily for these feminists (and everyone else), I was out sick the day they covered that in art class. I think I had my period.

There Will Be Blood [VICE]

Sex positions to satisfy her… emotionally

Katie Nolan — Mon, 21 May 2012 20:30:45 +0000

As men, you generally feel one emotion when having sex: happy. Doesn’t matter if you had a horrible day at work, your team just lost a big game, or the zombie apocalypse is wreaking havoc; it’s sexy time now, and this is a good thing. But women are complicated balls of emotion, and that doesn’t change when you (finally) unhook their bras. Female-bible Cosmo put together a list of different sex positions for every emotion a girl might be feeling in the bedroom. As absolutely ridiculous as that sounds, it’s only going to help your sexual game to get familiar with this nonsense. So here’s a more digestible version of the cupcake-flavored bullshit women’s media is feeding your future one-night stand.

The Pinwheel

For when she’s feeling: Experimental

You know that fantasy you have of girls “experimenting” in college? Assume that same position. Scissor me timbers.

Bucking Bronco

For when she’s feeling: Naughty

…and also lazy. Because calling this “Cowgirl” would imply she’s the one who has to do the riding. And we all know that’s not bucking happening.

The Soft Rock

For when she’s feeling: Romantic

Nothing says romance like a little music. First, you “rap” her in your arms, then you “rock” your hips until you’re about to “pop”… and then you “smooth jazz” all over her stomach.

The Time Bomb

For when she’s feeling: Horny

Aptly named. Because, horny or not, it’s only a matter of minutes before she realizes you’re watching porn on the computer screen behind her face and totally blows up.

Pleasure Pick-Me-Up

For when she’s feeling: Athletic

What better way to satisfy your need to work out than to mount your man in a way that requires him to support your entire body weight and do all of the work! Feel the burn, ladies!

The Head Game

For when she’s feeling: Playful

Because this is exactly what comes to mind when your lady friend tells you she wants to play around with some “head game.”

The Dirty Dangle

For when she’s feeling: Tired

Please note: contrary to what this image suggests, “tired” is not synonymous with “roofied.”

Condom company asks women what things they’d never put in their vagina

Chris Spags — Fri, 18 May 2012 00:00:11 +0000

Irreverent condom company (because you definitely want a condom full of whimsy and wonder) Sir Richard has a new campaign asking women for rules on what they’ll never put in their vagina. It’s..uh..notable.

Did it have to be all people the women selected? Some other items immediately leap to mind for me:

-A slice of pizza
-Dull knives
-A rabid raccoon
-Stylish light fixtures
-Pokemon cards
-Worcestershire sauce
-Tapioca Pudding

I could go on. My point: This commercial is dumb and is probably setting back STD prevention decades. Secondary point: No one wants tapioca pudding in their orifices. Those two points.

The lovely ladies of the 2012 Kentucky Derby

Cass Anderson — Mon, 07 May 2012 12:45:47 +0000

With the running of the 138th Kentucky Derby in the books it is now time for us to reflect upon the true blessings of Derby Day, the women. Every year women dawn their finest dresses and most boisterous hats, and flock to Churchill Downs by the thousands. The resulting effect being a day of drinking madness and cultural exuberance all culminating in the most exciting two minutes in sports. Now it is our pleasure to present to you the finest women of Derby Day.

via Instagram

Nicholas Sparks book covers reveal all you need to know about women

Chris Spags — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 16:20:02 +0000

Want to know how to get the girl of your dreams? Take a lesson from chick-lit author extraordinaire, Nicholas Sparks: Act like every single guy on the cover of his books.

Women: They love face grabbing. Not the kind in Alien though. Believe me, learned that one the hard way.

Pinterest pictures that’ll terrify men

Chris Spags — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 16:20:24 +0000

Even though Guyism is on it, Pinterest still doesn’t have a lot of male users. Perhaps these 125 of these man-scaring images Buzzfeed found on the site are a good reason why.

Breast Line Cover stops cleavage, betrays America

Chris Spags — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 15:15:55 +0000

This post goes out to both our female readers and male readers who will inevitably feel a twinge of sadness: Japan has found a way to stop cleavage in its tracks.

Sold in Japan for 1,050 yen (about $13 US), the Breast Line Cover is designed to keep women from exposing more of themselves than they want while still wearing stylish clothing.

According to the product’s site, the goal is to avoid “accidental glimpses of cleavage.”

But how does this magical bringer of sadness work, you ask? A clasping mechanism attached to a woman’s bra provides the coverage they need.

I’m all for women avoiding the leers of weirdos. But if you want to wear certain fashion forward outfits that might expose some skin, isn’t there an inherent or assumed risk involved? Not that you’re necessarily looking for it, but that such attention might occur? If I go around in a banana hammock or a Borat bikini, I may feel more sexy and confident than ever before. But I should also be aware that my goods may very well be flopping about aimlessly, giving the world a show. My genitals starring in a Punch and Judy performance is just part of the game at that point.

Stop Creeps From Looking Down Your Shirt Forever [Kotaku]

Samantha Brick, the lady who thinks she’s beautiful and isn’t, is still going

Chris Spags — Thu, 05 Apr 2012 17:15:24 +0000

We avoided covering Samantha Brick earlier this week because, well, there’s no way to avoid looking like a misogynist when you’re saying a woman is kind of ugly and tearing her down for delusions. But she’s back!

The original piece stemmed from Brick’s concerns that her “beauty” were getting in the way of her living her life. She was constantly given things by men, losing female friends, and, in her eyes, being denied opportunity due to others’ jealousy of her.

But, as the entire Internet collectively pointed out, she’s really not that attractive.

Sure, she’s “tall, slim, blonde.” But as anyone who’s woken up in a heap next to someone they barely recollect from the night before can attest, she’s also not exactly something you’d want to mount above your mantle either.

Today, the Daily Mail published another article from Brick responding to her critics. And it’s even worse.

While I’ve been shocked and hurt by the global condemnation, I have just this to say: my detractors have simply proved my point. Their level of anger only underlines that no one in this world is more reviled than a pretty woman.

Without doubt, this is a gender issue. For not only is it mostly women who are attacking me, it is also because I am female that I am being attacked for acknowledging my attractiveness.

Yes, I have cried on and off all day. But do I regret my article? Not at all. I’m know I’m risking the wrath of the online community once more, but there is an irony to yesterday. While I was tearfully dealing with the emails and calls outside the supermarket, a young man approached me, offered to park my car and even get me a coffee.

He could see I was having a tough time — and yes, my looks had helped me out again.

She also compares herself to Angelina Jolie. That’s a thing that happened.

Here’s the bigger issue: This isn’t about misogyny or women being jealous of other women. It’s not about wanting to see someone better than you torn down. It’s about a special little snowflake not being attuned to reality.

In the US, it’s something called “Everyone gets a trophy” syndrome. It’s the philosophy that, yes, we’re all great. The mindset that children shouldn’t learn about “winners” and “losers.” It’s that type of attitude that allow an ego like Samantha Brick’s to go unchecked.

And now, it’s being checked loudly and incessantly. People tweeting about how ugly she is, how delusional she is. Honestly, it’s not her fault.

Samantha Brick isn’t ugly. She’s not a despicable human being. She’s just mediocre.

She’s just a mediocre blonde woman who’s gotten too much attention just for being passable. Who’s sometimes been the best looking one in the room purely because there’s no one else there to compete. And now she’s a monster, penning Daily Mail columns and collectively causing the Internet to bang its head on the table. She’s been given the trophies of attention from desperate men for far too long.

Seeing her second article and how she views the world through a prism of “The world hates me for my successes” should let you know that this is a lost cause. You won’t change her. You won’t make her doubt herself, no matter what an objective view of her might yield. All you’ll do is annoy yourself more and more.

Never argue with a fool. Especially one to whom desperate men give bottles of champagne.

Why do women take so long in the shower

Chris Spags — Tue, 03 Apr 2012 15:05:37 +0000

This video attempts to explain why women take so long in the shower. It falls somewhere on the spectrum between disgusting, funny, and kind of terrible. Watch and judge accordingly.

In related news, this is possibly the least sexy video entrant into a Google search for “girl in the shower” this side of Tubgirl. Quite an accomplishment.

GirlfriendHire – the creepy Web site that lets you hire women for stupid reasons

Chris Spags — Mon, 02 Apr 2012 21:20:17 +0000

For as long as there’s been an Internet, there have been pointless ways to make nominal amounts of money. New Web site GirlfriendHire.com does it at an advanced level, allowing you to hire random women for just five bucks.

Forever 21 Photoshops out women’s kneecaps for some reason

Chris Spags — Thu, 22 Mar 2012 21:15:53 +0000

A woman’s knees are the window to the soul. Wait, is that not the expression? Huh. Well then. Anyway, women’s store Forever 21 is Photoshopping out women’s kneecaps, making some sort of monster in their product listings.

Maybe having legs like a carrot are the hot trend this spring? Or Forever 21 models have evolved beyond the need to bend their legs? Probably the latter. Models..always advancing society.

You can see more strange kneecap-less sexy ladies at Buzzfeed.

Forever 21 Hates Women’s Kneecaps [Buzzfeed]

Study: Women hate beards on men

Chris Spags — Thu, 15 Mar 2012 14:03:17 +0000

Growing out that beard for the “I could be a Unibomber or I could be really fashion forward” look? Might want to stop now. According to a study in the Oxford Journals, women hate your beard.

Really hoping someone out there appreciates the subtle entendre being weaved with picking this photo

The study, conducted by researchers Barnaby Dixson and Paul Vasey, involved showing European and Polynesian women photos of 19 men with beards and without beards.

The women responded en masse saying that they found the clean-shaved versions of the men much more attractive.

The women also said they found the men with beards to seem older, though they did think the men may have a higher social status due to their growth.

Men who viewed the pictures perceived their bearded compatriots to be both older and more aggressive.

Psychologist Nick Neave told the Daily Mail that his research led him to believe women prefer light stubble, saying, “It was almost as if women preferred a man who could grow a beard but hadn’t.”

Sure, this is all well and good and interesting. But what do these women think about neckbeards? They totally dig them and want to sip Mountain Dew with them all night, I presume.

Scientific Proof That Women Hate Beards [Gizmodo]

13 women on Twitter who won’t be taking part in Steak and BJ Day

Chris Spags — Wed, 14 Mar 2012 19:00:48 +0000

Steak and BJ Day is a vestige of the stupid beer commercial/shock jock type of thought that was “cool” in the late 90s, a fake holiday on March 14th designed to coax women into giving men their equivalent of Valentine’s Day. But for some reason, it trended on Twitter today. Many bro-fives ensued. Here are 13 women who were most vocal in their response to Steak and BJ Day.

1

I respect her decision if she’s in a relationship. I find her to be an attention seeking bore if she isn’t. There are no shades of grey.

Hopefully it isn’t a Texas-sized porterhouse for Dad, his friend Jim, and the Harlem Globetrotters.

For as little as I believe in this non-holiday, frankly, I’m disappointed in the lack of slutty behavior coming from someone using a bevy of non-traditional emoticons in a single tweet.

Tea bags? I hope she means actual bags of tea. Either way, I’m assuming this guy won’t make it through the rigorous Boyfriend of the Year application criteria.

Well, here’s a potentially willing subject offering sexual favors for goods. I see no way that broadcasting that on a social media platform could go wrong. None at all.

For the record, “didn’t know what it meant” doesn’t necessarily mean she’s not giving out blowie jays like candy. She may call them Mouth Blasters or Lip Numbers, but that doesn’t mean they’re not being given.

Says the girl who’s covering her eye.

Isn’t there some idiom about it being better to give than receive? Anyway, ol’ Harrisflyer has nobody to blame but himself. Get your girl roses in the hopes she’ll be dumb enough to listen to a Twitter trending topic holiday. It’s called foresight, bro.

That is some dedication to avoid doing something for your husband. Hopefully his secretary at least gave him a cheesesteak and a handy.

I say this with no knowledge of this gal but I would wager A LOT of money that this girl is absolutely disgusting and possibly reeking of a French Onion soup odor.

As if people needed more reasons to dislike vegans.

Something tells me that her husband isn’t opposed. “Oh, no, we’re cool honey. A chicken sandwich and a high five work. I’m going to stay in the garage a while longer though, okay sweetie?” *tightens noose*

You tell us. Has anyone ever actually done this? Post your story in the comments. This is a safe place without judgment.*

*there may be some judgment

INFOGRAPHIC: The 411 on buying flowers for Valentine’s Day

Greg Voakes — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 17:38:54 +0000

Valentine’s Day is tomorrow. While many people find themselves forgetting (or trying to forget) the holiday until the day itself comes to stare them in the face, it’s inevitably a source of stress— especially if you’re with somebody. If you’re struggling to figure out what to get your significant other and stressing about what she will or won’t like, fear not. The fact is that the flower industry didn’t become a multi-billion dollar business without an audience; most women like getting flowers and it’s fairly easy to turn them into a meaningful gift if you take a few moments to study up.

Flowers are an awesome gift if they seem like you put thought and time into picking out a bouquet especially for her—and they are not such an awesome gift if it’s obvious that you grabbed the first thing that looked colorful at the grocery store and didn’t even stop to peel off the barcode.

For one thing, many grocery store florists offer free arranging and wrapping when you buy a bouquet: take advantage of that. Those extra few minutes of waiting while the florist wraps up your flowers makes a huge difference in how much time and money it looks like you spent. Also, think about switching it up beyond the standard red roses (although if done right, those can definitely be a stunner). Traditionally, different blooms send different messages. Even different rose colors can say some pretty specific things (you probably want to avoid yellow roses: they signify at best “just friends” and at worst, can be interpreted as a sign of betrayal).

It doesn’t take much time to learn a few pointers that can leave you equipped to pick out a devastatingly thoughtful bouquet. For example, this infographic from the blog Frugal Dad maps out some quick flower facts that can help you up your game when it comes time to buy that bouquet. Your Valentine will appreciate it.

Source: http://frugaldad.com

Study: Men spend more when there are less available women

Chris Spags — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 20:30:36 +0000

A new study from the University of Minnesota’s Carlson School of Management says that men spend more as a means of distinguishing themselves as potential mates when there are less women around. Let the money-as-genital-size discussion begin!

The study looked at male behavior in situations with a scarcity of women and an abundance of women by providing subjects with articles that said their region had more men or women.

The men’s theoretical finances reacted accordingly: Savings rates dropped 42 percent when men believed there were less women and the men were also willing to borrow 84 percent more monthly for their lifestyles.

According to researchers, the men were unaware of sex ratios having any affect on their behavior.

“Economics tells us that humans make decisions by carefully thinking through our choices; that we’re not like animals,” lead researcher Vladas Griskevicius said. “It turns out we have a lot in common with other animals. We see that there are more men than women in our environment and it automatically changes our desires, our behaviors, and our entire psychology.”

Don’t worry men, you’re not alone: The study also found that women behave differently when there are more men around. No, they don’t spend more…they expect more when they’re being courted.

So men use money to pretend they have some intrinsic social merits and women are money grubbing wenches in certain social situations? No way. Up is up! Black is black! Dogs and cats, living in mild intolerance!

A Scarcity of Women Leads Men to Spend More, Save Less [University of Minnesota via Business Insider]