The Washington Post points out that the Times of India has done this before; a previous joke referenced a racial epithet for black people.

If I were a woman in India, a country in which 70% of women find themselves a victim of domestic violence, I’d probably be livid. Especially because these jokes are right next to the latest comics from “Hi and Lois” and “Cathy.” That page has more atrocities against women than a week’s worth of MSNBC’s overnight programming.

Joke about Chris Brown beating women appears in Times of India [Washington Post]

In related news, this kid is really smart because his suit really distracts you from how horrible he is at life. Normally you’d associate what this kid is doing with someone of a far lesser social class. But he’s wearing that suit so, obviously, he’s a gentleman through and through. A gentleman covered in paint and pepper spray with ruptured testicles, but a gentleman all the same.

Early Bird Special [The Daily What]

This is so alarmingly unfunny and racially insensitive that it has to be some sort of double reverse flip troll or something. Are we the ones who are the racists? Do black people actually exist? Who am I supposed to thank for the many uses of peanuts?

He’s like a young Andy Kaufman, only with tastelessness and shoddy face paint in lieu of talent.

Guy In Blackface Asks Brigham Young Students About Black History Month [Buzzfeed]

According to Jack in the Box’s Web site, the 16 oz bacon milkshake packs 773 calories and 40 grams and fat along with 12 sweet sweet grams of protein.

For those interested in how you can attempt this on your own, the restaurant says the shake is flavored with Torani bacon syrup rather than real bacon. Which is good because when you’re going to get a bacon milkshake, you want the most unhealthy route possible.

A spokesperson for the chain says the offer is “as limited as limited can be” so if you want your arteries clogged in the most extravagant and shameful way possible, you better act fast.

I’m a big Jack in the Box fan and wish it were still around in the NYC area. At the same time, based on this commercial, I’d be a little hesitant when I ordered a bacon burger and found it doused in special sauce.

Snooki did not partake in the balloon popping competition because she has a fear of balloons. I don’t know how she came up with something more absurd than the competition itself, but there you go.

Obviously there was no malice intended, but I felt like I was watching James Woods in Ghosts of Mississippi..it may not be someone actually being racist, but it felt enough like a hate crime that I want to tweet Reverend Al Sharpton with it to make it stop.

Either way, congrats to this guy on his obscenely emasculating skill. On the plus side, impromptu naps have never been so simple and shameful at once.

Man Passes Out From Being Tickled [Viral Viral Videos]

Couple tips:
-Turn off the TV when filming a video to win over a celebrity. Your mom listening to Home Shopping Network did not convince Mila of your viability as a mate;
-Your “seductive and smooth” voice sounds eerily similar to your “I’m going to violently masturbate onto your unconscious body” voice;
-Sitting next to a plastic plant on a tacky couch betrays the “I’m a handsome man about town” comedy gimmick you’re trying to play here. The Marine dude had Afghanistan as a backdrop. You have a Target candle holder. The precedent has been set, try to keep up.

Good luck, young man.

I think the key takeaway here is that if you’re going to try to poach Kristen Bell from the dude from Punk’d she’s married to, you probably need to come armed with some upside down tree-hanging skills and a sloth costume. Or look like Sloth from The Goonies. At least one of those.

Ah the healing powers of an oversized derriere smacking together in the least sensual act ever created by Juvenile and the Cash Money Crew. I don’t know how the protests didn’t immediately turn into a massive singalong of kumbaya after efforts of this heroic woman (I think?).

Normally we call this “having a stroke” so it’s pretty nice to see this skill happening in other situations.

The bigger question is can we find a way for her to end up saying, “I’m 18 years old and everything that happens from here on out is consensual.” You know, for science. And jizz.

Girl can say any word backwards within seconds! [Reddit]

If you think this is something 'phenomenal,' I want you to know that I hate you.

She told Sacramento’s FOX affiliate that she wanted to “leave [her] mark on the world.”

“I’m no spring chicken anymore and I really haven’t done anything phenomenal,” Matthews said.

Matthews, along with 106 other Facebook friends, sought to break the Guinness World Record for comments, set on a June 2011 post by an Italian man.

Matthews ended up with 1,001,291 responses to a single post, nearly doubling the previous record of 529,335.

You can see FOX 40′s interview with Matthews here.

Kudos to Matthews. Not only did this take a lot of effort — to achieve that number of comments, Matthews and her friends would had to have commented an average of almost 10,000 times each — but it set a second world record she wasn’t even aware of: Achieving the least phenomenal thing to ever be referred to as “phenomenal.” Good work.

Woman Gets over a Million Comments on Facebook Post [FOX 40]

Following up “Fuck you” with “Fuck yeah”? Had to rub my face in your triumph over me like that, huh kid? Think you’re a big man? Whatever.

Odds on this kid’s teeth looking like that for the next 75 years have been removed from the books.

I’m just glad she was able to take time off from her presumed gigs as a stripper and a fat black sexually abused woman to be there for this puzzle.

You can see the rest of the photos of Miley with the penis cake at TMZ. Spoiler alert: She really gets into it.

Between this cake and the penis-shaped Hannah Montana gummy candy, there’s no denying that Miley has the market cornered on delicious penis desserts and sweets. You earned it, kid.

Theodore Roosevelt would be so proud. When he first came up with his phrase, “Speak softly and carry a big stick,” the initial draft included a second part of the sentence, “And beat poor people with it.” Unfortunately, his political team shot it down during the brainstorming session.

Glad to see his actual ideals still live on in the form of a bus boy at an Indian beach restaurant…precisely where Roosevelt would have wanted it.

So if you want to watch closeted homosexual men make out with mannish blonde women as creepy Jay Glazer-looking bald men look on, now you know the place to go. Frankly, I don’t know why Springfield doesn’t start running this in national spots to promote tourism to the state. It’ll be appealing to some audience as a claim to fame far more than “a city that The Simpsons might take place in.”

That’s Your Hair Salon: Blow [Videogum]

Throw in a cameo from the real-life versions of Beavis and Butthead and I’m all in.

So it’s a little weird to be turned on by that last scene of Alia Shawkat rocking back and forth in her Chuckie costume, right? I mean, I’m okay with it. Just looking for some emotional support and solidarity, is all.

I’ll admit I wasn’t too familiar with Fisto before posting this one. And that’s a shame. If we don’t salute our cartoon superhero characters who can make traps out of ejaculating onto the floor, who can we salute?

OMG, he looks painful: Fisto [OMG Blog]

You can see more images at Buzzfeed.

If I were Butthead, I’d be pretty pissed at my local hair stylist. That taper is way too high. Did he even go to a reputable hair academy? Disgraceful.