I would like this. Why not extend the brand a bit further beyond the usual shows? Take some third tier character from the dramas and give them a sitcom. Or a fake reality show. Like you wouldn’t want to watch a reality show with some asshole vampire who was on the show for a minute looking for love. It’d have less dead bodies than Megan Wants A Millionaire, too.

It’s easy to go, “LOL OF COURSE FOX WOULD DO THIS,” but that’s not really the case. This is the problem with having a network that you have to program for 24 hours a day. There are so many wheels in motion and so many things to coordinate at once that it’s borderline impossible to keep up with everything. Hell, I think it’s pretty amazing that they were even capable of doing this. If I had to program a network for 24 hours a day and keep coming up with original material, the midday listings would look like 12PM: Calling Random People Assholes, 1PM: Stare at Anchor Chick’s Boobs While She Reads the NY Times, 2PM: Cry in Fetal Position, 3PM: Hey Check Out This Homeless Guy I Found. What we lack in news, we make up for in entertainment and repetition.

I had a great idea for a game show but no one ever listened to me. It’d involve me as the host with three contestants. They’d have to compete against a young man with Down’s syndrome in a variety of trivia categories. But the real test of the game was not to get too cocky against the retard, otherwise he’d start jerking off his big worthless retard penis while staring you straight in the eyes and muttering. You’d be amazed how quickly people forget that Napoleon invaded France in 1812 when they have some guy with a Pete Rose haircut and a fat tongue staring at them and calling them mommy while awkwardly pawing at 9 inches of shame that serves no purpose other than to prove God’s sense of humor.

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This reminds me of a movie idea I had that I could never get greenlit. It was going to be like Revenge of the Nerds, but the inverse. Basically a group of jocks would go into the Mensa house, where all the Mensa people live and hang out and don’t get laid and then they’d have sex with one hot nerd girl (ideally not at the same time) and pull pranks on the nerds and sodomize them with their live action role-playing fake rapier. It would have been a drama.

If I ever have enough money to produce a film, it’s going to be written specifically for Megan Fox. It’ll be a touching drama about a woman coming of age with something. I anticipate she’ll be sucked in by the ability to stretch her dramatic legs, but will be confused as to why her character is constantly stuck taking bubble baths, nude tanning, and getting violated in prison. It’s for character, Megan. Your character’s life is in the doldrums and nude tanning and bubble baths are her only escape. If she didn’t have those and her monthly lesbian orgies, how could she possibly get through the drama of being a nymphomaniac stripper? Soul-stirring, isn’t it?

You know, we think Jesus is so great because the Bible says so and, maybe he was. But you know, all these people who are so amazing and good at what they do end up being total perfectionists. So what if Jesus was just really pushy and frustrated with everyone’s lack of piousness (piousity?) all the time and just slapped them in the face like they were roadies who didn’t do a great soundcheck. In fact, this would probably make a very entertaining indie comedy film. PATENT PENDING.

The reporter in the video above called him a clown, but I consider him a real American hero. In fact, with so much crap in the form of major banks going bankrupt and stupid VP candidates and the downfall of our economy and entire way of living, this courageous man needs to start finding his way around the country to brighten our lives.

If Fox News is smart, they will hire him immediately and have him on the anchor desk all day. Like you wouldn’t get your news from him. Come on.

But news that, starting Monday, “Mister Rogers” will disappear from the schedules of many PBS stations—including WTTW-Ch. 11 in Chicago, as well as stations in Los Angeles and apparently New York—has legions of parents and other fans lamenting what they see as a timeless show’s end.

They are wondering, as Mr. Rogers himself might say: What do you do with the mad that you feel?

“It sucks, man,” said Brian Linder, a South Carolina writer who grew up watching the show on a wood-paneled television and now watches it on a flat-screen TV with his twin daughters. “That’s not a Mr. Rogers thing to say. But maybe in this case he’d even say it.”

“You’ve never seen Mr. Rogers’ face on a diaper,” Linder said. But that also means that only a handful of episodes are available on DVD, and just a few clips—like an episode where Mr. Rogers learns about break dancing—are on YouTube.

Yes, that’s Mister Rogers breakdancing above. I uh, don’t exactly know what to make of it. I think property values in his Neighborhood must be taking a nosedive. Call it a hunch.

I don’t know that I’d agree about Mister Rogers saying it sucks. If you reached him for comment, he’d probably say “——”…because he’s not alive. Anyway there’s more in the article about how people want to save the show and how in response PBS is going to ramp up Mister Rogers’ Web site. I say they should just recast a generic pedophile in the role and see what happens. Ideally he can tie his shoes and, so long as you keep a Lecter mask on him in between takes, not diddle the children too profusely. TV is easy.