Celebrity gossip items you may have missed this week…

— Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds broke up, much to the delight of all the men in the world who somehow think they have a shot at her. (Yes, I am referring to me.)

— Vanessa Hudgens is single now too. The line for potential suitors starts behind me (just as soon as I’m sure ScarJo isn’t interested).

— Elizabeth Hurley will soon be joining them on the most eligible list as well it would appear. When it rains, it pours, baby…

— Your nightmare fuel for the weekend: Kelsey Grammer has a sex tape.

— Carrie Fisher kinda, sorta outed John Travolta this week. Consider me stunned.

— Vladimir Putin has one f**kin’ hot mistress. Time for Obama to step his shit up.

— Winona Ryder thinks Mel Gibson’s a prick too.

— Speaking of odd things related to sex: Hulk Hogan married his son’s daughter’s doppleganger, Jennifer McDaniel.

— Remember how Rip Torn broke into a Connecticut bank while drunk and armed? Well he did. And as is customary with our judicial system he will not be serving any jail time. Did I mention he pleaded guilty to the charges?

— Did Mario Lopez break up Eva Longoria’s marriage? Sure, why not.

— Not one to be left out of all the fun, Demi Lovato has a sexy leaked photo now.

— Christina Aguilera is apparently a really, really good girlfriend.

— Remember Kelly Rowland? Well, even if you don’t, the IRS sure does.

— Britney Spears is not real thrilled that her parents are getting back together.

— Steven Tyler… also not happy about… something.

– And finally, Katy Perry/Brand got drunk.

This week’s sexy video comes to us from Victoria’s Secret (who else?) featuring their many superdupermodels in a holiday commercial directed by Michael Bay.

Zac Efron will star in Pirates Of The Caribbean 4 and, according to reports, will bag £6 Million for the role.

Efron is one of Disney’s biggest stars through the High School Musical films and now it seems they want to keep him on.

The deal also secures the 21 year old for High School Musical 4- which he’d previously been reluctant to commit to.

Zac will now star alongside Keira Knightley and Johnny Depp in the next Pirates movie- which is likely to hit cinemas in 2010.

I don’t think it’s an extremely unnatural departure. Zac Efron has made his fame being a singing high school student with dreamy eyes and, seemingly, a penchant for crossing swords. Meanwhile, pirates typically enjoy sodomy to ward off lonely nights on the high seas. It’s a natural progression.

It’s probably silly to see it as such sacrilege. In fact, why limit the Disney tie-in to just Zac? You could have Miley Cyrus and Vanessa Hudgens play some busty wenches who want to seduce the heroes but they get so distracted and just start making out with their hearty bosoms heaving mightily. Yeah basically I’m suggestion that they turn the Pirates of the Caribbean sequel into illegal pornography with minors. It’d be a step in the right direction after the last one.

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Normally a lesbian motorboating another lesbian would do something for me, but for some reason I am not turned on by these two.