10 year-olds in college should probably die

I’m not a fan of rooting for the success of people who aren’t me. So you can imagine how annoyed I am seeing a story about a 10 year-old who’s in college.

With the end of another school year approaching, college sophomore Moshe Kai Cavalin is cramming for final exams in classes such as advanced mathematics, foreign languages and music.

But Cavalin is only 10 years old. And at 4-foot-7, his shoes don’t quite touch the floor as he puts down a schoolbook and swivels around in his chair to greet a visitor.

“I’m studying statistics,” says the alternately precocious and shy Cavalin, his textbook lying open on the living room desk of his parents’ apartment in this quiet suburb east of Los Angeles.

Within a year, if he keeps up his grades and completes the rest of his requirements, he hopes to transfer from his two-year program at East Los Angeles College to a prestigious four-year school and study astrophysics.

It’s not AS impressive when you consider the fact that other prepubescents have gone to REAL college right away. In fact, I’d say this kid is probably lagging. GOOD. And I’m glad he broke his lil wrist too.

All jokes aside, if this little guy were in one of my classes in college, I’d rape him. Nothing gay. Just to show him that, hey, I’m the man here. You’re infringing. And he’d be all like, “Why are you raping me!” and I’d be like, “Maybe you should have been a little less smart. Or slightly more smart to have gone to a more prestigious university. Either one of the two.” And he’d go like, “Awww” and then I’d do it and break his other wrist because kids suck and should be confined to places I’m not at or my dungeon.

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