13 bobbleheads the world could have lived without

It’s my theory that one day, every man woman and child will have a bobblehead bearing their likeness. It seems like literally every single person with a modicum of fame or fictional character has a bobblehead with their face on it. But which ones lead a particularly egregious existence? Here’s some you can probably live without.

Meet the “Rally Rabbi” of the San Francisco Giants. Given out during a Jewish Heritage Night in 2006, the Rally Rabbi’s favorite past times include circumcisions and controlling the media. Unfortunately, the Giants ended up losing the game to the Cincinnati Reds with a score of 6-3, proving that the Rabbi’s shofar wasn’t the only thing that blew in the stadium that night.

No this isn’t just some slob who really likes DVDs mailed to him. This is the bobble version of Netflix CEO Reed Hastings. The story behind this bobblehead is that Hastings gave these out to all his employees in 2004, upon the signup of the two millionth Netflix customer. Which is pretty great for morale. “Hey, I could give all you guys bonuses, but screw it…here’s my fat .com ass in bobblehead form! Keep up the good work!” Why not just hand out free kicks to the groin next time, Reed?

This lil guy is from the Gilroy Garlic Festival in California, a yearly event which, in 2008, drew almost 110,000 people. And any love of garlic can be quickly dampened when you look at the horrible genetic mutations the festival creates, such as towel-wielding garlic monsters that look vaguely like Snorks clad in basketball uniforms. I’m onto your tricks, Gilroy. You’re like a garlicy Island of Dr. Moreau.

Yes for all you Charles Darwin lovers, finally you can stick it to creationists IN BOBBLE FORM! It just seems to belittle Darwin’s importance as a researcher when you have him bobbling around like he’s a common outfielder or something. And what’s up with the chimp? I get why that’d be there, but it really just makes him look like he’s Michael Jackson in the 80s.

This bobblehead just seems redundant to me. I’m pretty sure the real Lance Bass’s head does more than enough bobbling up and down on things, why make this too?

Here’s a bobblehead of former Chicago alderman Burton Natarus. You’ll also note that apparently they don’t make bobbleheads as rotund as the real life Burton, since they shaved off approximately 150 pounds in this likeness. It’s a pretty big get for fans of local politics. Or people that like their bobbleheads to induce narcolepsy.

I don’t know where this guy is from (other than my wildest fantasies) but I assume it’s something to do with bodybuilding. The only reason to keep this one around is if your other bobbleheads feel underdressed. Or if you own the Lance Bass one.

Tennessee women’s basketball coach Pat Summit was immortalized in this bobblehead, possessing an creepy smile and eyes, even by bobblehead standards. In fairness, it does have a couple of positives going for it…if you want a bobblehead in a pants suit, this is one you need to consider. And they could just paint the hair a little blonder and reuse it as a Hillary Clinton bobblehead.

My disdain for the King is pretty well known, but I don’t get why this bobblehead needed to exist. You have a marketing concept in The King combined with a marketing concept in the Super Bowl and then add them to another marketing concept in a bobblehead and somewhere, someone is proudly displaying this in their trailer and going, “Yep, this is my pride and joy.” Just glue a Whopper costume to me so I can promote more things for you while you’re at it.

I’m not sure where this Shiva bobblehead came from other than perhaps from the isle of Sacrilege. I understand being proud of your religion, but I’m not sure having a bobblehead version of a God is the way to approach your religion with reverence. Unless the many arms bobbled too. Bobbling arms = class.

An extremely violent looking Jason bobblehead would be a perfect addition to any home. Assuming that if you’re a normal person, you like to be terrified that your bobblehead is going to attack you in the middle of the night after you sleep with a teenage camp counselor or that you want to raise a sociopathic child. Otherwise, you may want to stick to the limited edition John Wayne Gacy bobbleheads…at least he’s dressed up like a clown.

This doesn’t even look like Bernie Mac to me. It might just be a reused Eddie Murphy for all I can tell. On the plus side, at least this version of Bernie Mac can still move. Too soon?

Reddit’s awesome and all but I think I’d rather have a bobblehead version of Michael J. Fox on my desk rather than one of any social news site’s mascot. Though I guess it would be better than a Digg mascot, sitting there, menacingly wielding a shovel. I’d take the Reddit Alien’s rectal probing over my grave being dug(g) any day.

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