45 year-old former gubernatorial candidate vampire harasses teenage girl

Posted by Chris Spags on June 3rd, 2009 at 1:15 pm

Greatest headline ever? I think you’d be hardpressed to top that. Meet Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey, a gentleman who calls himself a Vampire and once ran for governor of Minnesota. And, oh yeah, he goes online to date teenage girls.

a115 sharkey 45 year old former gubernatorial candidate vampire harasses teenage girl

You mean this dude has a problem getting ladies? Shut up, no way!

Two days before his trial was to begin, a man who calls himself a vampire and once ran for Minnesota governor has admitted to harassing a Rochester teen by e-mail.

Forty-five-year-old Jonathon Sharkey pleaded guilty Monday to two counts of gross-misdemeanor harassment in Olmsted County.

Sharkey is nicknamed “The Impaler.” He ran for governor in 2006 under the “Vampyres, Witches and Pagans” banner. The girl came in contact with him in 2007 through his MySpace page.

Sharkey and the girl dated online, but she tried to end it within two weeks. She told police he sent threatening messages.

Sharkey said in court that his threats were in response to threats to him.

It might be a bit of an understatement to go, “Yeah, this dude’s a bit crazy,” but man, he is indeed crazy. And not just for the fake vampirism or running for Governor or spelling Jonathan with an “o” but harassing a girl after two weeks dating? Online? I can’t imagine what the f a chick would do that could possibly make her give two craps about her after going, “omg ur so cute” online for two weeks. I’ve cared more about the tonsils I had removed.

What makes someone go so horribly awry though? I don’t know what you do as a parent that can turn your kid so fed up like this. Did you not only have someone dressed as Dracula babysit him, but also smash his head into the carpet multiple times as a youth? Because that seems like somewhat irresponsible parenting. Pretty sure Freud didn’t account for that one.

[via]

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Chris Spags "Internet Heartthrob" Chris Spags is a former comic and the founding editor of Guyism.com. In addition to overseeing all Guyism content and business development, he covers Humor for the site daily. He was recognized on the street once and it was awesome.