7 YouTube videos that could be considered child abuse
Shawn Norris
Now I understand that having kids is sometimes just another way to keep life interesting, but scaring the bejesus out of them is kinda wrong. Taping is even wronger, and then putting it up on YouTube for the whole world to laugh at…well, it’s pretty damn hysterical.
“Oh Suzie, you’re always walking into doors! You should be more careful.”
At least it is to us. But, what about these poor kids in the videos. Some become internet sensations and that can alter their lives (and in some of these videos, spinal columns) forever. Yet, the parents throw them up on YouTube because they’ve been bitten by the fame bug. “A few million hits and Timmy will be famous,” they say to themselves. Of course Timmy doesn’t say anything because he’s in a full-body cast and his mouth is wired shut. A small price to pay for the 15 minutes we supposedly all get a crack (no pun intended) at.
The children are our future. Well, they will be if they can find a way to make it out of the whole “childhood thing” alive. With the terrible parenting skills exhibited by these videos, I don’t hold out much hope for these next 7 children.
1. Hill + Kid + Bike = Telephone poll
How do you say, “Thanks a lot Alexander Graham Bell” with no teeth?
I enjoy it when parents actually see that their child is in danger of something bad happening and have the foresight to simply keep filming rather than protect the child from getting hurt. This kid obviously does not know how to ride his bike very well as is evidence when the first thing he does is take his feet of the pedals. Usually stopping on a bike involves slamming backward on the pedals, but this kid decided that maybe saying “Whoaaaa,” while careening uncontrollably into a telephone pole was a much better way of stopping, and I gotta say I totally agree. More points for style, but a slight deduction of teeth.
This kid looks to have been on a bike without training wheels for all of 20 minutes. So, yeah Mom, it’s probably a good idea to start him off in the middle of a hill, because he obviously is X-Games ready right now. Then after eating telephone poll, Mom has the audacity to ask, “What did you do that for?” As if this kid was aiming his face AT the telephone poll! Are you serious lady? Wheeee, time to pedal the Huffy down to Child Services and turn mom in for negligence. By the time mom gets out of the clink this kid’ll be doing donuts in the Wal-Mart parking lot in his El-Camino.
Telephone Poles – (+1) Kid on bike – (-1) Mom – (+3-7 yrs depending on behavior)
2. 4-year-old crashing his mini-bike
“The greatest gift a parent can give to a child is a full body cast” – Evel Knievel
This kid is 4 years old. You know what most kids are doing at four? Finger painting and getting a grasp on the whole “gravity thing.” And there are tons of videos of children ages four and sometimes even less, that put their kids on these “pocket rockets.”
In one video, the father says, “Hey they like to do it.” Yeah, you know what else 4-year- olds would do if you let them? Eat Oreos for breakfast and crap on the floor. You know when kids under the age of four get to make their own decisions? When a their boat wrecks and it’s, “Lord of the Flies.” So unless one day you want to wake up to your armoire ablaze while roving bands of 4-year-olds with giant sticks that are trying to hunt and kill your cocker spaniel; I suggest that the dad of these kids maybe should start steering his kids towards a less dangerous hobby. Maybe something like base-jumping or teaching them the subtle nuances of making Napalm. First, you boil the soap into the gasoline…
You don’t let a kid of this age ride a motorcycle. I don’t care how bitching their controlled slide looks to all the other drunken rednecks, it still is a terrible idea. I can only assume that their “original” mother is no longer of this earth, because I’ve never seen a woman that would let a kid of this age willingly ride a motorcycle.
At six they’ll be starting a Fight Club, at eight they’ll be in a motorcycle gang, at twelve they’ll be in bar fights and by fourteen, the US taxpayers will be paying to keep they’re troubled asses locked up in juvy. Look sharp America, this is our future.
Christ, the next thing you know we’ll be letting bears drive snowmobiles and women vote.
Oh no…
3. The Zombie Kid
Well just with one sentence, he’s already more reputable than Bill O’Reilly. He’s got an agenda and that agenda is turtles; which he makes perfectly clear. And the difference between he and Bill is that I actually BELIEVE he likes turtles.