A LATE NIGHT CHAT WITH JOE DUMARS

Late last night I got a strange phone call. It was about 3am. I usually don’t answer the phone that late but I thought it could be an emergency.

I was in shock when I heard the person identify himself as Joe Dumars. I mean, I’m a lowly blogger, what would Joe want from me….

JoeD: Hey WOI, I need to talk to someone about the draft tonight. And not my normal lackeys in town like Rob Parker, Chris McCosky, and Terry Foster. They just fellate me and think I’m some kind of demi-God. I need someone who will give me honest opinions.

WOI: Sure Joe

I was still in shock as I made my way to the local coffee shop. As we sat down, Joe looked strangely upbeat. I was kind of shocked. I fired a question right as we were getting settled.

WOI: Joe, what the hell were you thinking tonight?

JoeD: Let me try to explain. DJ White was not a player we were eyeing at that pick. In fact, we heard from UAB Coach Mike Davis that he had a guy on his team who he thought would work out better. So we took him. As you know Davis has coached both players.

WOI: Um, let me get this straight. You made the pick because of Mike Davis. A coaching “has been”?

JoeD: Well that, and one other main reason

WOI: What’s that?

JoeD: Walter Sharpe has narcolepsy. People probably think that’s a bad thing but me, I have an eye for things like this.

WOI: Joe, you’re going to have to elaborate here.

JoeD: We need a guy who can fit in right away on this team. We need a guy who has chemistry. Our guys are infamous for falling asleep when times get tough in the playoffs. You saw Rasheed, you saw Chauncey. They don’t play hard until things get really rough and then try to make up for it in the 4th quarter. So who better to have on our team than Sharpe. Hell, he might sleepwalk through the whole game. Perfect fit

WOI: Hmm….I never thought about it that way Joe. Now that you say it, it makes a lot of sense. No wonder you’re such a draft guru.

JoeD: I try. (his cell phone rings….inaudible conversation)

WOI: What was that about?

JoeD: I just made a trade. You’re not going to believe who we brought in.

WOI: Carmelo? Bdiddy? Elton Brand?

JoeD: No, somebody who has a lot of upside.

WOI: Who?

JoeD: A man you’re familiar with

WOI: Who?

JoeD: Darko Milicic.

WOI: What?

JoeD: I know, I know. I’m really excited too.

WOI: Joe, I’m no basketball genius but uh, Darko sucks.

JoeD: Darko never had the right tutelage. Larry Brown never wanted to use him and Flip was too scared to use younger players. Now that I have my puppet in Mike Curry, I can just start pulling the right strings. Darko will lead this team to a championship. Mark my words.

WOI: Joe, are you feeling ok?

JoeD: Yeah, why you ask?

WOI: Because that was the stupidest God Damn thing I’ve ever heard. It borders on mental retardation.

JoeD: Really? Shoot. I knew I shouldn’t have listened to him.

WOI: Listened to who?

JoeD: Well, ever since John Hammond left, I’ve been secretly consulting a guy who knows a lot of basketball. He’s had a lot of success in the past but people don’t see his brilliance. He helped me with the draft last night.

WOI: Who Joe?

JoeD: I’m thinking about hiring him as Assistant GM. He has a lot of job experience.

WOI: Who?

JoeD: A guy who’s beloved in Detroit

WOI: You’re kidding me…..you didn’t hire…..

All of the sudden the lights went out in the coffee shop.

WOI: Joe, what’s going on?

JoeD: You’ll see. Hit it Ken.

And then the weirdest thing happened. Ken Calvert, former Pistons announcer strolled in and grabbed a mic from the behind the counter.

I was so perplexed. Who the hell is Joe talking about. And then……then, it hit me…..

As Ken Calvert’s voice echoed in the background, a tear fell down my face….

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