Afghanistan solves the swine flu
Chris Spags I’m so sick of the swine flu but the headline on this article brought joy to my cold, foreigner-hating heart.
Afghanistan’s only known pig has been locked in a room, away from visitors to Kabul zoo where it normally grazes beside deer and goats, because people are worried it could infect them with the virus popularly known as swine flu.
The pig is a curiosity in Muslim Afghanistan, where pork and pig products are illegal because they are considered irreligious, and has been in quarantine since Sunday after visitors expressed alarm it could spread the new flu strain.
“For now the pig is under quarantine, we built it a room because of swine influenza,” Aziz Gul Saqib, director of Kabul Zoo, told Reuters. “We’ve done this because people are worried about getting the flu.”
That poor lonely pig. Could you imagine being the only one of anything in an entire country? I feel awkward when I’m the only white guy at a hip hop club, but if I were the only one in an entire nation I’d imagine that’d be a sad isolated feeling. But then if you’re the pig and you leave this country, you’ll go somewhere else and they’ll be like, “Hey pig, come with your other pig friends!” and you’ll go, “Oh boy, more pigs!” Then…boom! Bacon. And then people are always comparing ugly women to you. So other than the whole rolling around in your crap thing, being a pig seems pretty depressing. Fuck if I were them, I’d be coughing all over anyone who came near me. Biological warfare is the only way to preserve a shred of their dignity.
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