An exciting new way to get high!

I may not agree with what teenagers do, but I really have to admire their conviction in coming up with new and exciting ways to get unbelievably high. For example: smoking air fresheners.

Officials are worried about a new recreational drug trend among Berlin youths called “Spice” that could lead to permanent physical damage, daily Der Tagesspiegel reported on Monday.

Spice is apparently just a harmless and legal mix of herbs meant to provide an aromatic smell as an air freshener, manufacturers say. But teens are rolling the substance into cigarettes to get a marijuana like high, officials told the paper.

“The high is supposed to last longer,” emergency drug abuse worker Michael Frommhold told the paper. “Sometimes it lasts between six and eight hours.”

But because Spice, unlike marijuana, is sold legally in head shops across the city, authorities told the paper their hands are tied when it comes to preventing kids from smoking.

Recent weeks have shown a steep increase in reports of Spice misuse, Frommhold said, adding that it is a psychoactive substance that can lead to hallucinations and psychological problems. “It can lead to anxiety attacks all the way to schizophrenia,” he told the paper. Many head shops around town have reported long waiting lists for new deliveries of the product.

I was never big on using any non-traditional drugs so I’m curious to find out how kids figure out what can and can’t be smoked. Is it a trial and error thing? Are there some Danish children out there snorting cat feces in the hopes that it’ll make them temporarily forget all about how the cheerleaders at Danish High School were mean in math that morning? Or is there an email blast or perhaps an automated message like the ones schools have for snow days calling kids like “Hey, try licking the underside of a hippo’s balls and you’ll end up feeling like an 8 foot-tall Viking”?

Let’s see if we can start a rumor. I hear that if a barely legal teenage girl dressed like a Catholic schoolgirl slurps up the jizm of a blogger in his mid 20s, she gets the most amazing high that actually allows her to take flight. In the time it takes for someone to try this rumor out, I’m going to practice pulling out my genitals and smarmily going “Well well, what do we have here?”

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