And they say Asian kids are smart

Everyone saw the latest Transformers movie since it’s pretty much the peak of what art can be in our modern film era. Some people didn’t take it for the brilliant work of fiction it was though, like this Chinese kid who drank gasoline to be like the Transformers.

A 14-YEAR-OLD boy drank gasoline for five years to obtain “energy” – just as his idols “Bumble Bee” or “Optimus Prime” do in “Transformers,” the Sichuan-based West China Metropolis Daily reported yesterday.

After the boy, in Yibin City, southwest Sichuan Province, had watched the animated TV series, he began to drink gasoline to become a “valiant fighter” like “Optimus Prime,” his father told the newspaper.

“He began to drink gasoline five years ago, when we found he liked smelling lighter fuel,” he said.

“Since my son started to drink gas, his IQ has dropped sharply and now he can’t figure out simple addition and subtraction,” the father said.

“Before that, he was a very smart boy, and he could even repair the television. But now he does not know the answer of 7 plus 17.”

The worried parents finally took their son to hospital where they were told the boy had a mental disorder and a strong “gasoline dependence.”

It’d take a pretty dumb kid to drink gasoline the first time because the robots who have day jobs as cars did it on TV, but it’d take a much dumber kid to do it for five years. Or maybe he just knows something that we all don’t. People always make the argument about gas prices that, “WELL HEY, IT COSTS MORE FOR A GALLON OF PEPSI THAN IT DOES FOR A GALLON OF GAS HURR HURR” but maybe that’s just because the government doesn’t want us to know about the awesome powers that would come to us all if the food pyramid included 8 ounces of unleaded every morning. If this gasoline has the power to make an Asian kid incapable of math, who knows what kind of inverse powers it’d have? White guys jumping through the sky, Polish people creating submarines that function properly, black guys not hooking up with fat white chicks. This requires further research.

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