Assault with a deadly Cheeto

Snack treats are great…delicious, fattening, and they also make fantastically creative weapons in assault.

A local couple arrested on domestic assault charges Sunday had an unusual choice of alleged weaponry — Cheetos.

Warrents filed by Cpl. Kevin Roddy, of the Bedford County Sheriff’s Department, stated he responded to a call at a home on Pass Road, where 40-year-old James Earl Taylor and Mary S. Childers, 44, were allegedly involved in an argument.

According to Roddy’s report, the pair became “involved in a verbal altercation” with each other “at which time Cheetos potato chips were used in the assault.”

“There was evidence of the assault,” the report read, “however no physical marks on either party and the primary aggressor was unable to be determined.”

According to the Shelbyville Times-Gazette, both posted bond of $2,500.

Maybe that’ll teach him to bogart the Cheetos Lip Balm.

This is just disappointing to hear. Cheetos are supposed to bring people together, not tear them apart. The coked up cheetah who overcame addiction and the fact that he’s an animal to slave over chemical beakers in a lab and make a delicious snack treat will be absolutely mortified when he reads about this. How could you hurt such an innocent land animal? He’d never want something like this to happen. Not a water animal though…Charlie Tuna is practically begging for you to bash someone’s head in with one of his oversized tubs of his relatives. He has no scruples.

[via]

--- Did you like this article? And you probably like contests, exclusive content, and smug commentary right? Then why aren't you liking Guyism on Facebook? Show some pride and click the "Like" button below right now: