Bailiff shot by pair of pants

Posted by Chris Spags on August 5th, 2008 at 2:13 pm

Sometimes a story just catches your eye. Like a story about a pair of pants that shot its owner.

Police believe a court baliff’s pant leg may somehow have caused his weapon to fire last week at Merrimack District Court.

Bailiff Logan Crocker was wounded in the ankle when his pistol went off while in an ankle holster last Thursday.

Police say Crocker was not handling the weapon at the time. But Deputy Police Chief Mark Doyle told the New Hampshire Union Leader that Crocker was moving his trousers or hiking them up, and something along his trouser leg may have grabbed the hammer or trigger and caused the weapon to fire.

If I had a dollar for every time a pair of pants has shot at me, I’d have like no dollars. But a pair of pants did kill my grandfather. These pants, they have no respect for our laws or our lives. That’s why I refuse to allow any of them to touch my skin. Filthy pants with their penchants for crime. And if they’re not committing a crime, they’re just laying around, getting fat off of my tax dollars. Popping out more and more baby pants. And these pants are always so well-hung too. They have some sweet deal, let me tell you. What’s next? A pair of pants being elected President? THESE PANTS ARE RUINING OUR COUNTRY AND NO ONE IS DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

[Artist's rendering of a separate pants crime, above]

--- Did you like this article? And you probably like contests, exclusive content, and smug commentary right? Then why aren't you liking Guyism on Facebook? Show some pride and click the "Like" button below right now:

Chris Spags "Internet Heartthrob" Chris Spags is a former comic and the founding editor of Guyism.com. In addition to overseeing all Guyism content and business development, he covers Humor for the site daily. He was recognized on the street once and it was awesome.