Barbie celebrated turning 50 by allowing me to objectify women

From Barbie’s Dream House 50th Anniversary Celebration or some sort of similar event name that has less capitalized words…

I like Barbie a lot and not because of her so-awesome-I-would-drive-it-and-look-like-a-total-’mo pink Volkswagen New Beetle, but rather because of the kickass job she does of objectifying women. Not only because of her hilariously absurd proportions but the way that she pretty much glamorizes how okay it is to be a woman completely lacking substance so long as you’re pretty and fashionable. I get so tired of women talking about “Oh blah blah I believe in this” and it’s just like toots, why don’t you just wear something fancy and quit your yammering. What better way to reinforce that than a party with women like Aubrey O’Day, the lesser Kardashians, the Hills girls, and Heidi Klum (who may be a genius but barely speaks English, so it works out really well).

So thank you, Barbie. I feel totally vindicated in making my GI Joes attempt to pick you up in GI Joe’s Dream Vietnamese Bar rather than have them actually fight in toy wars and such. Psh. How gay would that be?

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