Burger King is so healthy

I ate a Whopper from Burger King yesterday for the first time in a while. It was definitely delicious. Up until the part in which I felt like my stomach was full of sludge the rest of the day. And the cold sweats. And the syphilis, which may or may not be unrelated. Anyway, they’re getting healthier for your kids!

Burger King, the Florida-based fast-food giant, has added three Kids Meals designed to be lower in fat, sodium and calories.
The meals are part of its Positive Steps program and brings the number of choices to four, the South Florida Sun-Sentinel reported Wednesday.

Meals in the program must have no more than 560 total calories, with no more than 30 percent of those calories from fat and 10 percent from added sugars. The amount of sodium must be below 600 milligrams.

The new meals include two bite-sized hamburgers with fried apple slices, low-calorie dipping sauce and calcium-fortified apple juice.

Whew, thank God they got so healthy. Kids, you’re going to be okay. Now, instead of those terrible french fried potatoes, you’ll merely be eating a deep fried apple. So much better for you! Gee Burger King, what other life saving initiatives are you going to undertake? Maybe a needle exchange program for addicts in impoverished needles in which you give your needle to Burger King and they give you back one that they just imported from a waste bin in a hospital in Kenya? No, don’t worry, it’s cool, they totally blew on it before putting it into your vein.

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