Cap’n Crunch’s real name is Captain Horatio Magellan Crunch
Shawn Norris
Did you know that Cap’n Crunch had a real name? I did not. CNN has a list of the real names of 23 of your favorite fictional characters and some of the names will make you look at the characters in a whole different light.
See I always secretly believed that Cap’n Crunch was one of the all-time great frauds in marketing. It seemed to me (even as a young child) that the Captain’s military merits were suspect at best. I mean, his arch-enemies were people made of water. Do they not have mops or paper towels out at sea? I mean the whole damn ocean is made of water, and yet people made of water were always giving him trouble. And what battles had he won that warranted him being promoted to the rank of Captain? Was there some breakfast cereal war that I missed? Was it only reported on the back of selected Quaker Oats boxes? You tear-up the roof of my mouth and then you lie about your military record. For shame, Captain.
Snuffleupagus has a first name — Aloysius. Want more Snuffleupagus trivia? In a Sesame Street scene that never aired, Snuffy’s parents announced they were separating. But in testing, children were too devastated by the news, so the idea was scrapped
WHAT? Now Snuffleupagus comes from a broken home? This list is really making me second guess my childhood. What’s next?
The real name of Monopoly mascot Rich Uncle Pennybags is Milburn Pennybags.
Wait, wouldn’t a guy that is supposedly rich have a more lucrative moniker than “Pennybags”? Wouldn’t it be better to call him “Rich Uncle Dimebags”? OK, bad example. He just went from a respected businessman to a drug dealer, but you get my point.
Read the rest of this list if you want more, but my childhood has already taken more of a hit than it can deal with today.
Real names of 23 fictional characters [CNN]
comment on this story
blog comments powered by Disqus