Cats love kiddy porn

There are excuses, there are terrible excuses, and then there’s telling the cops that your cat was downloading kiddy porn on your behalf, arguably the benchmark for a completely delusional lack of accountability.

This cat is clearly jaded by a life of viewing obscene child porn. Look, he doesn’t even flinch.

Martin County Sheriff’s detectives didn’t buy it when a 48-year-old Jensen Beach man claimed that his cat was downloading child pornography on his computer.

Keith R. Griffin, of the 3600 block of Northeast Jeannette Drive, was charged Wednesday with 10 counts of possession of child pornography after detectives found more than 1,000 child pornographic images on his computer, according to a news release.

Griffin told detectives he would leave his computer on and his cat would jump on the keyboard.

When he returned, there would be strange material downloaded, the release states.

I guess you’d never really want to own up to downloading child porn because there really isn’t anything that lends itself more to being a social pariah than that. But there has to be an excuse that’s better than “My cat did it.” My cat walks across the keyboard too. She’s never entered anything more intelligible than “urfwhahjfhahfhhawhhwhfhzsff” because believe me, if she did, she’d be getting put to work writing this blog. Sure all the jokes would be about “isn’t it funny how your crotch tastes weird today” but is that really SO different than what you get from me now?

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