Christianity is dangerous

Christianity preaches tolerance and care for others (um, theoretically, perhaps not in practice). But you know what they don’t teach you enough? How to tear things up at a water park! YEE HAW!

Authorities closed the Big Splash Water Park for the night after hundreds of youths brawled inside the park and in its parking lot Wednesday evening, police said.

Capt. Travis Yates estimated that 3,500 people were at the park, which he said had only one security guard on duty.

Large-scale fights started breaking out at the park when an event sponsored by Christian radio station KXOJ drew larger-than- expected crowds, Yates said.

Big Splash, on the southeast corner of Expo Square at 21st Street and Yale Avenue, noted on its Web site that it was hosting a “Waves of Worship” event from 7 to 10 p.m.

Big Splash Manager Amber Beck said Wednesday night was a Christian youth night with Christian bands.

Yates said a large crowd had gathered outside before the park reopened for the evening event.

“Obviously, when you have 3,500 kids in a confined area, you’re going to have some problems,” he said.

Beck said a lot of churches had arranged for groups to attend but that cheap admission — $5 per person — drew “the wrong crowd,” as well.

Nothing says Christianity to me quite like an overcrowded water slide and overt racism. That’s not even a joke, that’s genuinely what I love about Christianity. I’m pretty sure if Jesus were around right now, he’d go to a Red Lobster in the Bronx and be whispering to his friend, “Oh my God can you believe how loud they are? THE LOBSTER FEAST ISN’T THAT GREAT PEOPLE!” Though he’d probably like how alarmingly soulful the renditions of the Happy Birthday song are. Me and Jesus have a special bond where I know these things, trust me.

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