Dead guys should stop being greedy

When you want to cash the check of a dead guy, here’s a helpful hint: Don’t take the corpse with you.

Two men wheeled a dead man through the streets in an office chair to a check-cashing store and tried to cash his Social Security check before being arrested on fraud charges, police said.

David J. Dalaia and James O’Hare pushed Virgilio Cintron’s body from the Manhattan apartment that O’Hare and Cintron shared to Pay-O-Matic, about a block away, spokesman Paul Browne said witnesses told police.

“The witnesses saw the two pushing the chair with Cintron flopping from side to side and the two individuals propping him up and keeping him from flopping from side to side,” Browne said.

The men left Cintron’s body outside the store, went inside and tried to cash his $355 check, Browne said. The store’s clerk, who knew Cintron, asked the men where he was, and O’Hare told the clerk they would go and get him, Browne said.

A police detective who was having lunch at a restaurant next to the check-cashing store noticed a crowd forming around Cintron’s body, and “it’s immediately apparent to him that Cintron is dead,” Browne said.

The detective called uniformed New York Police Department officers at a nearby precinct. Emergency medical technicians arrived as O’Hare and Dalaia were preparing to wheel Cintron’s body into the check-cashing store, Browne said. Police arrested Dalaia and O’Hare there, he said.

Cintron’s body was taken to a hospital morgue. The medical examiner’s office told police it appeared Cintron, 66, had died of natural causes within the previous 24 hours, Browne said.

“He was deceased in the apartment when he was removed by these two,” Browne said.

That’s what he gets for not post-humously sharing his money with those other guys. Sharing is caring, corpsey.

Really though, this just made me think about how screwed up a movie Weekend at Bernie’s really was. A movie about dragging around this corpse that magically doesn’t rot (and I think became hypnotized by some voodoo at some point, if I remember correctly) to reap the benefits of his wealthy life? Didn’t Bernie also have some chick fall in love with him? I might entirely be making that up. This was the kind of thing that passed for high art in the late 80s and early 90s. Or so I think. I don’t know man, that was a hazy time for me. I was sniffing a lot of glue and up to my elbows in Ninja Turtle toys. Crazy crazy times.

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