Dude wins lotto, quits job immediately

What would you do if you won over $130 million? If you’re some fat worker in an auto plant, you’d basically say “Fuck you” and walk out, apparently.

David Sneath has worked at a Ford Motor Co. parts warehouse for 34 years, but it didn’t take him any time at all to walk out once he discovered he had won a $136 million Mega Millions jackpot.

“I yelled to the boss, ‘I’m out of here,’” Sneath said Thursday after going to state lottery headquarters in downtown Lansing to pick up his first $1 million check.

Sneath, of Livonia in suburban Detroit, said the reality of his win has yet to sink in.

“I still haven’t touched base with Earth yet,” he said. When he saw in a newspaper that he had a winning ticket, “my whole body went numb.”

Sneath plans to buy a cottage on Mullett Lake in northern Michigan and maybe a new fishing boat or two to help him land the walleye he loves to catch. He’s tired of misplacing his glasses and may get laser surgery to correct his vision. And he’ll probably move out of his three-bedroom, two-bath ranch home, although he plans to stay in Michigan.

He’s even considering a return to Eastern Michigan University to finish his bachelor’s degree. He’s eight credits shy of a major in warehousing and a minor in international marketing.

That’s great for him but, I’m not going to lie to you, I wish his body had gone numb because he had a stroke.

I hate other people being happy in ways that would make me happy. In fact, if you’re having sex with an attractive woman right now, I have two things to say: A) Go f yourself. And B) Why would you read my blog while having sex? Wait, I know. Because I’m so arousing. Aw shucks, I’m sorry I wished death upon you. Go ahead, keep on touching her there. I’m rooting for you buddy!

--- Did you like this article? And you probably like contests, exclusive content, and smug commentary right? Then why aren't you liking Guyism on Facebook? Show some pride and click the "Like" button below right now: