Escape artist sucks at escaping, drowns

Via Deadspin comes this clip of a halftime show at a home game of the NBA’s Oklahoma Thunder with “escape artist” Kristen Johnson a couple weeks back. The term is in quotes because, well, this doesn’t speak well for her escape abilities.

She survived because apparently, despite what the Liberal Water Media would lead you to believe, water can’t kill you. Or this lady is a Highlander. Either way, water really got made to look like an asshole. It’s bad PR for water…people’ll probably just laugh in its face the next time they’re drowning in an ocean, a pool, or after embarrassingly slipping headfirst into their toilet.

I’m not saying being an escape artist is easy but if you can’t do these tricks regularly you may want to avoid doing them. Unless you’re an attention whore and want to commit suicide in a really dramatic way. Man that’d be awesome, if you conned some large event into letting you do some dramatic trick involving fire and monster trucks driving over you and midgets doing cartwheels and crap. This is what Dr. Kervorkian should have done if he had a bit more ambition and showmanship. Damn suicide doctors, learn how to put on a show!

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