Fake therapist fired for offering "vagina massages"

File this one along with the fake-reality-show-turned-porn-site under the column of “Good idea in jokes, bad idea in theory”: A man pretended to be a massage therapist, specializing in the needs of the ladies. He then told the women that they needed some “internal massages” which, as you might guess, does not involve emotional comfort.

A Cottonwood Heights man who police say posed as a licensed massage therapist at a fitness center is accused of sexually abusing two clients.

Robert Battle, 46, was charged Wednesday in 3rd District Court with three counts of second-degree felony forcible sexual abuse in connection with two separate cases last winter with women he picked up at Lifetime Fitness in South Jordan.

In the first case, Battle fondled a client who made an appointment with him following a difficult pregnancy, charging documents state. The woman met Battle at Lifetime Fitness, where she was informed that he had attended medical school and had just passed his medical board exams in another state, according to charges.

Battle told the woman he needed to do “internal work” on her because her body wasn’t “holding” prior massage work, charges state. He twice performed what he called a vaginal massage on the woman at a Cottonwood Heights office in June.

Eventually, however, he started to perform the massages without the sheet. He told the woman during one massage that he needed to touch “a massage point by her vagina,” charges state. The woman allowed Battle to continue the massage because she trusted him, according to charges, but ended the session when he began touching her vagina.

Well, that doesn’t sound like she had a lot of trust then, now did she? You can’t go, “Okay go ahead and diddle away,” then say “OH HOW HORRIBLE” a minute later. Either be the stupid person being duped or don’t, you don’t get to have it both ways.

Even weirder:

Several supporters of Battle have established a defense fund for him. Testimonials from people claiming to be Battle’s clients state he behaved professionally and helped them overcome medical issues.

So maybe he’s not a bad looking guy and other women enjoyed his kitty prodding? That just seems kind of crazy. If my dentist was accused of humping people’s faces while they were passed out, it wouldn’t matter how good a job he did of cleaning teeth, I’d probably stop visiting. And wonder why I wasn’t good enough for the same treatment. Sniff. I knew I should have flossed more.

[St. Louis Tribune]

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