Fat lady survives flesh-eating bacteria due to immense fatness

There are literally ones and ones of times in life where you can thank the skies for your obesity…when you’re so fat that a flesh-eating bacteria gives up on eating you is one of them.

Clair Robinson, 23, is lucky to be alive after contracting the killer bacteria following surgery at a regional hospital.

The shop assistant thought she had a fever and stomach ache until she was told the life-threatening condition was eating through her stomach muscles and body tissue.

“Being big saved my life,” she said.

“If I had have been smaller it would have eaten my organs and my insides. My kidneys and liver would have been eaten if I hadn’t have been big.

“Maybe fat people do have a good life after all.”

Yeah, maybe they do. It’s totally worth decades of wheezing around, finding it difficult to get up, having people regularly ask you about your performance in the movie Ghostbusters, and probably dying of a heart attack on the one in 400 billion chance that a flesh-eating bacteria finds its way to your delicious flesh. Well put, Woman-shaped-like-the-boulder-from-Indiana-Jones.

It’s kind of fun to imagine a bacteria just chomping away. I bet at first it was all like, “YAYYYY ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT” then it kept chomping and chomping and it’s like, “What the f, why am I not tasting organs?” And then it chomps and chomps and just feels bad about itself and what it’s doing in the world and, ultimately, dies of loneliness in the sweaty, musty folds of this sloppy mess. It’s tragic in a way.

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