F*ck you and your turkeys

They did the annual “turkeys get pardoned by the President” event today. And awesomeness ensued, of course.

President Bush pardoned the two birds on Tuesday in the annual tradition that dates back to the Truman administration.

In the Rose Garden ceremony, Bush said the participants in a White House Web poll had picked “May” and “Flower” as the turkeys’ names, and in turn ribbed his No. 2.

“They’re certainly better than the names the vice president suggested — which is ‘Lunch’ and ‘Dinner,” Bush said.

The national bird and its backup are from Indiana and each weighs about 45 pounds. They’ll be spared a dinner table fate and then flown to Disney World in Florida, to live in Mickey Mouse’s backyard at the Magic Kingdom.

Well this is cool because it’s not like we have anything pressing nationally like a war or whatever. Turkeys and crappy jokes about the vice president are clearly the most pressing thing for the President to be dealing with. If it were up to me, I’d break into the Magic Kingdom backyard and slit their throats and drink the sweet juices that leak out from them. Not out of some fondness for blood, but just to teach those turkeys a lesson. Little known fact: Both turkeys are war criminals who burned down villages populated entirely with children and adorable puppies. Yeah. Not so cute now, huh?

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