Finally, a sex shop that fits my children's needs

Whenever I go into a sex shop, I can’t help but think, “Gosh, I wish my kids were here.” Well, I’m in luck.

In the p.c. enclave of hipster Brooklyn, N.Y., residents are hardly batting an eye over the opening of a new kind of sex shop.

The high-design Babeland shop, which sells itself as being “kid-friendly,” doesn’t exactly scream sex though.

Unlike the older sex shops, which are dark and dingy, the Babeland store has upbeat music, well-dressed saleswomen and infant changing tables — marketing itself as a fun place for couples to shop. It’s part of a growing trend that has been spreading from Louisville to Los Angeles in an attempt to take the sleaze out of this part of the sex industry.

“If you walk into a mainstream sex store, you’ll probably be greeted with explicit imagery and a sort of artificial sexuality, like a woman with blonde hair with her head thrown back, something that’s meant to titillate in the moment,” said Babelands’s owner Claire Cavanah.

Cavanah and staff aim to make women feel empowered, not embarrassed, they say. A sign in the front of the store implores customers to “relax, take a look around, and enjoy,” and the employees “try to have a sense of humor and be intelligent and warm,” said Cavanah.

“Here we’re really trying to sort of greet everyone where they are sexually.” This means everything from a “Sexy Moms Series” for mothers looking to spice up their sex lives to plenty of products for those looking to experience some bonding — or bondage.

Hopefully there’s some way to incorporate the parent/child bonding in the sex shop as well. Kids are being total f’ing whores younger and younger these days. My First Autoerotic Asphyxiation comes to mind. I had to use a jump rope, a basketball hoop, and a sense of public degradation for mine. So, needless to say, I think improvements can be made.

Plus, babies dressed in silly costumes are SO adorable! Now imagine one with a gimp mask and a baby-proportioned big black strap-on! Soooooo se…cute. Cute.

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