How to fight in any situation!

Self-defense is important…it’s why I recently enrolled in a mixed martial arts school (that and to roll around with sweaty men). But there are important lessons everyone should know, without having to enroll in classes. Here’s a briefer:

Man this is exactly why I want to have a child sometime soon (well, have a child I intended to have rather than having to put on a fake moustache and say “No comprendo ese juventud” and go by the name “Christophoro” to avoid prosecution). I’d have all sorts of fun and experiments and such. Ooh maybe it can even live amongst wolves! That seems to work out really well in Disney films. What a world of whimsy and wonder it is living in a cave amongst wolf dung and fleas. See, you homeless don’t have it so bad, do you? That’s why I just throw wolf crap at you instead of change. Wait the homeless probably can’t read this. Well, f ‘em, they smell.

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