I AM NO TONY GONZALEZ

Posted by A. Isaac on July 8th, 2008 at 7:35 am

Word has leaked that Chiefs TE Tony Gonzalez saved a man’s life by performing the Heimlich.(Forget the fact, that not a single other person in the restaurant actually knew this procedure but Tony. Didn’t we all learn the Heimlich in fifth grade?)

As it turns out the man was a Chargers fan, a division rival of the Chiefs.

I’m sure Gonzalez wasn’t thinking about this before he saved the dude’s life but in hindsight, I’m sure he now regrets it.

So I asked myself, in this situation WWID? (What Would Isaac Do?)…….

Hmmm???

As the person began to choke, I would observe his clothing…

If there are any Celtics, Bulls, Indians, Cavs, White Sox, Red Sox, or Yankees T-Shirts, I simply walk away

If there are any jerseys whatsoever containing Michael Jordan, Grady Sizemore, Brian Urlacher or Brett Favre, I punch them in the gut

As they pass out and fall to the floor, I would….

Ask them to blink once if they were willing to switch their allegiance to a Detroit squad, blink twice if they still wanted to be stubborn

As they convulsed and flopped around like a fish, I would…

Do my best to restrain them and then try and slip on a Rip Hamilton jersey.

As they laid their dead from asphyxiation, I would…

Laugh and then taunt them and call them a pussy for dying

That’s how Isaac treats his rivals…..

--- Did you like this article? And you probably like contests, exclusive content, and smug commentary right? Then why aren't you liking Guyism on Facebook? Show some pride and click the "Like" button below right now:

A. Isaac A. Isaac is the Senior Editor of Guyism.com. You may have seen him before on The World of Isaac or at a local beach showing off his man boobs. His claims to fame include eating 5 cheeseburgers in one minute, having a threesome with two Victoria Secret models, and being a world-class table tennis player. Unfortunately, the validity of some of those claims is under dispute.