I like my crimes to have a tinge of irony

I think that if you choose to engage in criminal activities, you should do your part to stand out. And this Nebraska man who stole something to buy an abortion for his teenage ladyfriend definitely went above and beyond. Click through for irony.

A Nebraska man who stole a painting of the Virgin Mary to finance an abortion for a teen he was accused of raping has been convicted of first-degree sexual assault and felony theft.

Aurelio Vallerillo-Sanchez, 39, of Omaha pleaded no contest to the charges Friday and faces up to 70 years in prison when sentenced in October, Douglas County prosecutor Brenda Beadle said Saturday.

Beadle said Vallerillo-Sanchez fled to Mexico with the 300-year-old painting worth $100,000 and the pregnant teen in March 2007.

“The plan was that when they got to Mexico, she was to undergo an abortion,” she said.

When an abortion wasn’t possible, Vallerillo-Sanchez pushed to have the baby given up for adoption, Beadle said: “He wanted to do everything he could to get rid of this baby ’cause it was evidence against him.”

The teen returned to Nebraska after giving birth, the prosecutor said.

Vallerillo-Sanchez sold the painting for $3,000 in Mexico, his daughter told police.

Here’s the problem with a guy in a terrible situation like this…his ideas get a little too cute. You did two HUGELY illegal things in stealing an extremely expensive painting and knocking up an underaged girl 20 years younger than you. So then you decide that you also need to fly the both of you down to Mexico to sell the painting and get the baby aborted. Why steal something rare and expensive and sell it for 1/33rd of its worth when you could steal something much less rare and sell it without buying a trip to Mexico? And even if you don’t adhere to that logic, why not just take the painting you stole and ram it into the girl’s stomach, then sell the painting for its proper cost and pocket all the money yourself? This is why we’re in a recession, people. All these grand schemes and no real ingenuity.

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