I GET IT. POLAR BEARS ARE ADORABLE

After the roaring global success that is Knut the Polar Bear, some German zoo is looking to make its own star in the form of a female polar bear cub that was almost eaten by her mother.

The country’s top-selling Bild newspaper suggested the four-week old cub, which is yet to be named, would make a perfect mate for Knut, the polar cub at Berlin’s zoo who became a worldwide celebrity last year after he was rejected by his mother.

“Will she one day be Mrs Knut?” Bild asked in a front-page headline above a photograph of the new cub being carried in the jaws of her mother, Vera, before they parted ways.

The paper suggested that despite the age difference — Knut celebrated his first birthday in December — the bears’ shared experience in early life would make them ideal partners.

Here’s an exciting newsflash: Polar bears all tend to have similar life experiences, primarily around being pretty cold and eating fish. It’s not like they both happen to work in the field of endocrinology.

And so what if both their parents tried to eat them. It’s not like they’d be having high level conversations about how that affected their growth as human beings. Knut would probably just bend her over a rock and have his way with her. The courtship process for furry animals that can rip you in half isn’t exactly the poetry that you’d like to imagine.

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