Indianapolis enjoys sex way more than you

A new study by Men’s Health says that Indianapolis is the most sexually satisfied city in the US.

Forget New York, Los Angeles, or even Miami, Indianapolis is the most sexually satisfied city in the United States, according to a new report.

The Indiana city is followed by Columbus, Ohio, Fort Wayne, Indiana, Cincinnati, Ohio, and Salt Lake City, Utah, in the report by Men’s Health Magazine that ranked the sexual satisfaction of people in 100 cities.

“Maybe they should take the stretch of I-74 that’s linking Indianapolis to fourth-place Cincinnati and hereafter call it ‘America’s Sex Drive’,” said David Zinczenko, the editor of the magazine, referring to the motorway linking the cities.

Researchers analyzed data on condom sales, birth rates from the U.S. Census Bureau and sales figures from two top sex-toy retailers to compile the ranking.

Well, that’s apparently Miss Indiana. So you can see why they’re so sexually satisfied…who doesn’t have an ET the Extra Terrestrial fetish? Nothing gets me going more than an undersized body with a big grape-shaped head and bug eyes. Niiiiiiice.

If anything though, I would question the methodology of Men’s Health. I mean, who’s to say that all those condoms are being used? Their birth rates are so high, maybe there are just condom collectors or people that really like making lubricated balloon animals (and who doesn’t!). I’d also say that more sex toy sales would mean less true sexual satisfaction. For every pocket pussy I f, it just means one more Real Vagina filled with disappointment. And lies. And wasted Barbie dolls. Ohhhhh sex with minors, you slay me.

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