Jessica Alba will get you drunk

From a new 2009 calendar promoting Campari liquor.

You have to admire Campari liquor for knowing how to get people to check out its 2009 calendar of booze and booze-related accessories (including glasses, pools, and children drowning because you were too drunk to make sure they didn’t fall into the pool). More people are posting about this just because Jessica Alba did it than you could imagine.

It’s kind of unfair that they have Jessica Alba promoting the liquor though. Like yes, she’s hot, but odds are that if you’re drunk off of a vat of Campari, you’re probably not going to be hooking up with Jessica Alba. Best case scenario you’ll be having sex with a doll wearing the swimsuit she’s wearing. Worst case, you’re having sex with that a lithe gentleman with a persistent coughs and sarcoma on his face. Or a bear. And trust me when I say that having sex with a bear is probably slightly less enjoyable than Jessica Alba. Unless you’re big on claw marks and assholes leaking half-digested honey in which case, welcome to Pleasuretown.

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