Man accused of having sex with his car

I don’t know if I just spend way too much time on the Internet or if there are seriously a large group of people out there who decide that their cars are unbelievably hot, but here’s a story of a gentleman who saw his car and said, “Yeah…I’d hit it.”

An Albuquerque man faces indecent exposure charges after police say children saw him simulating a sex act with his car in a grocery store parking lot.

Danny Brawner, 46, was indicted on two counts of aggravated indecent exposure and one count of indecent exposure for the July 28 incident in the parking lot of the Smith’s Food and Drug store on 101 Coors Blvd. NW, according to a news release from Bernalillo County District Attorney Kari Brandenburg’s office.

Witnesses told police they saw Brawner “humping” his car’s trunk while swinging his arms in the air and shouting. His pants were around his ankles, witnesses said.

An officer said he found Brawner asleep next to his car. The officer woke him up and arrested him. The officer said Brawner appeared to be intoxicated.

I really hope to God that he was intoxicated because, frankly, if you’re pulling your pants down at a grocery store parking lot and humping your car trunk in broad daylight as a SOBER activity, you really shouldn’t continue to be alive. Also, I fail to see how it’s “simulating sex”…in my eyes, once the pants come down, the simulation part has totally stopped and it has become full-on game time. Which is how I lay claim to having slept with tens of thousands of women. Yes, it might not have been sex in the truest sense, but the pants were down, there was yelling and I left crying and unsatisfied. If that’s not sex, I don’t know what is.

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