Martha Washington: Piece of ass?

People have said Michelle Obama is one of the first hot first ladies because people like black chicks with big asses. However it turns out that, according to anthropologists specializing in thinking about hot dead ladies, George Washington’s wife Martha may have been a fox in her own right in her heyday.

We cannot tell a lie – it turns out that Martha Washington was a real babe.

Forget the view of our first first lady as an old frump with a double chin, and think first knockout!

The surprising peek into the past comes courtesy of forensic anthropologists who, using a miniature portrait of a middle-aged Martha, did a computerized age-regression portrait that shows what she would have looked like at 25.

“We always see Martha with a withered face in her old age. But she was quite a beautiful woman in her younger years, and Washington loved her deeply,” Edward Lengel, senior editor at the Papers of George Washington project at the University of Virginia, told The Washington Post.

Yeah she’s cute when compared to some of the other monstrosities who’ve accompanied Presidents to the White House, but she doesn’t look any better than some chick reading poetry at Lilith Fair. Also based upon the proportions of this picture, her middle finger is approximately eight inches long, which is perfect for fingering Andre the Giant’s asshole but not ideal for being attractive.

That raises another concern about “youthing up” a painting: It’s a drawing, so the original portrait is bound to be slightly inaccurate. For all we know, the painter could have just been worried about offending the President, so he made her look better than she really did. She might have had a tooth coming out of her eye or had a vagina made out of molasses and construction paper. Her husband had wooden teeth, I don’t think anything is out of the realm of possibility here.

More photos of the saucy minx:

[source]

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