Masturbation, gay sex cause the swine flu

There’s now scientific evidence behind the causes of the swine flu, with the revelation that the illness is caused by masturbation and homosexuality. Assuming you can trust the doctors in Kuala Lumpur.

Avoiding masturbation and homosexual activities are among preventive measures one could take against Influenza A (H1N1), according to an eminent practitioner of complimentary therapy.

Dr. V. M. Palaniappan said that such activities caused the body to develop friction heat which in turn, produced acid and made the body hyperacidised.

“Thus, the body becomes an easy target for H1N1 infection,” he told Bernama, emphasising however, that normal sexual union between members of the opposite sex was absolutely safe.

The former associate professor of ecology at Universiti Malaya has authored several books on complementary therapy called, ‘Ecological Healing System’.

Dr Palaniappan said his 33 years of research had shown that high acidity in the body resulted in loss of immunity, thus making people more susceptible to viral diseases like Influenza A (H1N1).

Dr Palaniappan’s blog: http://ecohealingsystem.blogspot.com/ discusses the therapy in more detail.

Man, it must be awesome to be a doctor in an underegulated region. You could totally just say that Absurd Thing X causes Illness Y and people would go, “Hmm, he does seem to be a doctor and he is wearing pants, so I can probably believe what he’s saying.” But being a witch doctor or shaman would be even more awesome. Then you can blame a drought or famine on the fact that women aren’t having enough sex with you. When I try to get that point across now, my research is hardly taken seriously.

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