Minnie Mouse is easy

Posted by Chris Spags on August 12th, 2009 at 1:46 pm

Gross: Groping a woman in a Minnie Mouse costume in Toon Town at Disneyworld. Grosser: The chick in the costume didn’t run away out of fear she’d lose her job for breaking character.

minnie mouse costume1 Minnie Mouse is easy

M-I-C…See ya real soon!…K-E-Y…Why? Because I blew a load in my pants while feeling up Minnie Mouse.

Walt Disney World encourages its patrons to feel the magic but one guest from Pennsylvania took the message literally and felt the magic by feeling up a woman dressed up in a Minnie Mouse costume.

John William Moyer, 60, of Cressona, was convicted Tuesday of misdemeanor battery in connection with the June incident. The victim, Brittney McGoldrick, claimed to have been greeting children in “Toon Town” at the Magic Kingdom when Moyer came up behind her and groped her.

“Well, he just came at me,” McGoldrick testified in court. “He came at me and grabbed my breasts.”

Moyer adamently denied the claims telling the judge, “I am innocent, I am not guilty of the crimes that I’ve been charged with.”

His son even came to his father’s aide and told the judge his father would never inappropriately touch a woman.

McGoldrick claimed she had to do everything possible to keep Moyer’s hands off her breasts.

In Moyer’s defense, she was totally leading him on. The way her eyes stared at him with pure lust definitely gave Moyer the impression she wanted it. Then again, it may have been indifference. It’s hard to tell since costume eyes don’t do a whole lot to convey emotion. But hey, when you see those firm round globes (or as McGoldrick called them, mouse ears), you’ve just got to get yourself a handful.

Unrelated, I once was accosted by Disneyworld police for repeatedly throwing Beggin’ Strips at Pluto. I may have shoved one or two into his mouth too. Whatever, he’s a dog, he loved it, gagging sounds notwithstanding.

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Chris Spags "Internet Heartthrob" Chris Spags is a former comic and the founding editor of Guyism.com. In addition to overseeing all Guyism content and business development, he covers Humor for the site daily. He was recognized on the street once and it was awesome.