Monopoly: The Movie sounds awful

Via ComingSoon.net, Director Ridley Scott is planning on making an adaptation of the world’s most annoyingest board game, Monopoly. It’s even more scintillating than it sounds!

Monopoly is still the most popular board game — I might be misquoting! — in the world. So it’s really finding the universe for that game. Because clearly it ought to be humorous and for the family — the funny way it brings out, particularly when your uncle suddenly gets Park Lane and — in England, we have Park Lane, Mayfair and Barclay Square, what’s it in America? Park and Madison? So you watch people change. You’re witness to Jekyll and Hyde. Somewhere in that is a hysterically amusing and I think rather exciting film.

This sounds like a great idea. Every time I’ve ever played Monopoly, I’ve ended up wanting to kill at least one other person at the table. To bring that rage to a crowded movie theatre as some fag in a thimble ends up costing me thousands because he had to load up Marvin Gardens with hotels certainly won’t wind up in a mass murder featuring me burning everyone in the theatre, then dancing around with nothing but a top hat on and a sack of money with a dollar sign on it.

If Ridley Scott were smart, he’d make the game into a balls-to-the-wall action thriller. What happens when a talking boot is kicked off the police force, pushed to the brink of his sanity, and forced to go around in circles, securing properties, railroads, and more while always being quite close to going to jail? That’s what hardship is my friend. Only the Boot knows. But one day, he’ll take over Park Place. Then, the world.

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