Naked DUIs are bad, usually

I really can’t stand drunk drivers. It’s a stupid mistake and there’s a huge risk you’re taking, typically involving other people’s lives. However, when you look like Jessica Maree Langford (pictured, right) and you want to drive drunk AND naked, well, maybe we can work something out.

A PROBATIONARY driver’s estimated alcohol reading and speed – and the fact that she was driving naked at the time – were used as evidence yesterday to commit the teenager for trial on culpable driving.

Jessica Maree Langford, 19, pleaded not guilty to the charge and to dangerous driving causing the death of her boyfriend at Hastings on November 29 last year.

She and Daniel Andrew Glover, 19, had been ”skinny dipping” at Shoreham around midnight and remained naked after using their clothes to dry off. Langford later told police they had been drinking at the beach and that swimming in the nude had been fun, but denied any sexual activity happened while driving.

In a record of interview, she said that usually when she drank she would get dropped off and someone else would drive home. ”But this time I was very stupid.”

Stupid, drunk, and naked…I’m pretty sure those are the qualifiers I put on my eHarmony profile. Plus, there’s hard evidence to suggest she’s single.

Down side: If you’re that poor dude who got killed (because of her impaired driving ability as a result of her drunkenness and being in possession of ovaries, presumably) and you were in a car with this drunk, naked girl and you weren’t having sex there probably wasn’t much to live for anyway.

[Sydney Morning Herald]

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