No breakfast = more sex at a younger age

Are you a concerned parent? With whorishness on the rise amongst kids, you should be. Fortunately, there’s a solution…stuff your kids full of breakfast food.

Japanese researchers studied 3,000 people and said that teens who skip breakfast lose their virginity earlier than those who start their days off with some food, Agence France-Presse reported Friday.

Specifically, researchers found that people in their early teens who regularly skipped breakfast lost their virginity at an average age of 17.5 years old, versus an average age of 19 for breakfast eaters.

The study, funded by Japan’s health ministry, looked for ways to curb unwanted pregnancies. Researchers concluded that a stable home life — one that encourages breakfast eating — discourages early sex.

These study results may surprise you, but I’ve had a hunch this was a case for a long time. When I was in high school, I’d go into school early and make breakfast for all the other guys in my school. Sure it seemed weird at the time to be served carbs and meats by some guy they weren’t close with, but anything you can to get an advantage in the Great Vagina Chase seems worth doing, I think.

At least Eggo now has its next great marketing pitch: Like Jerking Off? Pop An Eggo in the Toaster? Aunt Jemima’s the only lady I want to explore. Who knows what’s underneath those syrup-covered, sticky slave clothes? MeOW.

[via, thanks Irfan for the tip]

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