Old people are poor

Today’s sign that the world is broke and depressing: one in 10 old people need to borrow money for everyday expenses.

The economic downturn is hitting roughly one in 10 middle-aged and older Americans especially hard, compelling them to borrow money for everyday living expenses and to seek help from family, friends or charities, according to a survey released Tuesday by the AARP.

n the telephone survey of 1,002 adults 45 and older, nearly four in 10 said they had helped a child pay bills or expenses. Among retirees, one-third said they’d helped their children pay bills. Eight percent said they’d helped a parent pay bills or expenses. The survey’s margin of sampling error was plus or minus 3 percentage points.

One-third of survey participants said they stopped putting money into their 401(k) or retirement account and 14 percent said they had cut back on their medications.

I don’t think I’m alone in saying that if you can’t just do this stuff on your own, maybe you should just die already because the only benefit of having you people around is that you can occasionally loan me money. But if you’re in the hole and stuff AND you’re walking all slow and being kind of annoying…well…maybe it’s time for you to “forget” your medication.

Also, you know what’s gross? Old man balls. It’s kind of unrelated, but like…ew. I’m hoping mine stay forever young and ebullient.

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