Osama bin Laden likes a good hug

When you think of the guy who basically orchestrated 9/11, you don’t really think about his zeal for hugs. But an interview with an alleged operative of bin Laden reveals just that.

Jack Thomas, by his own admission, realised then he was not just at any old military camp in Afghanistan, but an al-Qaeda camp.

And Thomas got close enough to bin Laden to observe the al-Qaeda leader was polite and shy, didn’t mind a hug, but wasn’t so fond of kissing.

“He was definitely well loved,” Thomas said of Bin laden in an interview with Australian TV network ABC which was played in court last week.

“(He) was very polite and humble and shy.

“He didn’t like too many kisses. He didn’t mind being hugged, but kisses he didn’t like.”

Thomas said bin Laden “seemed to float across the floor”.

What Thomas fails to mention is his zeal for teabag-related humor. You see, before bin Laden found himself hooked up to a dialysis machine, nothing would tickle him more than running up to one of his consiglieres and dipping his ballsack onto their unsuspecting face. He’s a real cut-up like that. Also a big admirer of rimjobs. You’d think that’s against the Quran, but not to Osama; he pasted in a special page that says something to the effect of a rimjob cleansing the spirit. Thank God this John Thomas character came out and revealed all of these important secrets. How could we have survived without them?

In related news, I imagine kissing Osama would be like licking my sweaty scrotum only hairier and with 1/3 more sand.

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