UPDATED: Papa John’s heart-shaped pizza is a lie

See below for an update on Papa John’s corporate honesty FAIL

As I recently pointed out on my Twitter (you’re missing out if you’re not following me), Papa John’s is advertising a heart-shaped pizza for all the lovers out there who are too poor or fat to do anything nice for Valentine’s Day. Turns out that, once again, pizza is just lying to you.

Now that really doesn’t look like a heart to me. In fact, it looks like they’re charging you the same price as a regular pizza for a “heart-shaped pizza” that basically is just a pizza missing a slice and looks vaguely like Pac Man vomiting. Which is either the most brilliant or most soulless marketing endeavor either. And isn’t that really what Valentine’s Day is all about? Well, that and guilting your partner into trying anal for the first time. Unless you’re a gay couple…then, well, I guess you already have it all. Sniff. Gay love…so beautiful.

[image via, as seen on]

UPDATE: Thank you to Papa John’s corporate employee Ashley Rumsey Hamilton for pretending to be a Papa John’s consumer in my comments and posting a link to an image of a perfect heart-shaped pizza. That’s totally cool to attempt to deceive potential consumers to make up for your sad attempt at making a heart pizza.

As you can see above, Ashley’s IP address is coming from the corporate offices of Papa John’s, based out of Louisville, Kentucky. Now I’m not a master detective in spite of my fancy hat and smoking pipe, but it seems as though Ashley may not be a completely disinterested party.

If you want to dispute the quality of the pizza, then fine. But come on, let’s not try to pretend you’re not an employee of the stupid company I’m making fun of. To all the marketers and PR people, if you’re going to attempt to leave a fake comment, at least use a proxy. Or send me money and I’ll make believe your product is cool. Either way.

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