President Bush can bury people alive

Earlier this year, legal expert and former Deputy Assistant Attorney General John Yoo testified in front of a panel seeking information about detainee interrogation tactics during the Bush administration. The question “Can the President order someone to be buried alive?” was posed to Yoo. Here’s his flustered, non-committal response.

So yes, the President can, in fact, order you to be buried alive. And while it’s not expressly said, he can also urinate on said grave. He can also then shoot you in the head if you come back to Earth as a zombie hungry for both brains and revenge. And he can then put your recently zombified body into dog food to breed an army of superzombiedogs. So yeah, being the President has its perks.

Honestly, President Bush only has a month left in office. Why not start taking advantage of this privilege for anyone who looks at your cross-eyed? People have been mean to him for years, it’s time to extract revenge. One open grave at a time.

Also, below, is a .gif of President Bush getting the shoes thrown at his head at a press conference about Iraq yesterday. Because that’s also funny and important.

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