Rats are taking over Boston

Boston just completed its century long construction of its downtown area and the villagers rejoiced. Until, that is, they found out that rats the size of alpacas are now taking over.

Rats “big enough to put saddles on” are running amok in Allston and Brighton, leaping from trash bins, chewing their way into homes and terrifying residents who blame Harvard’s own “Big Dig” for unleashing the vermin.

“They pop out of the trash. A couple of weeks ago one ran right across my hand. It’s nasty,” said Gerry Gentilucci, 43, an MBTA equipment operator who lives on Myrick Street in North Allston.

Ted Gallagher, 27, a bartender who lives on Franklin Street, said he now kicks his garbage cans – some of which rats have gnawed holes through – before handling them to scare off any critters. But even that doesn’t always work.

“I dragged it into the kitchen and I noticed there was a rat sitting right on top of the barrel. It was a foot long. I freaked out,” he said.

On the plus side, the rats are slightly less obnoxious than Boston’s main other annoying inhabitant, drunk Irish guys in Red Sox hats.

I relate to the rat problem though. I never tell this story, but rats have affected me too in a meaningful way. At my old job, I was trying to get a promotion. So I came in every day, working hard, really letting my boss know that I was kicking ass. Then, one day, this rat came in and fed my mouth while I was at my desk. I was like, “hghemrmrmggggpfffff” which loosely translates to “What the f, rat?” So my boss came over and saw and said, “Great news! You got the pro…” then saw the rat there, gleefully f’ing my face with his red eyes glaring up to the ceiling. And then he said, “Sorry. We don’t tolerate ratf’ing here, sir. Good day.” So yeah, I’ve got a grudge. Quite a grudge indeed.

[via]

--- Did you like this article? And you probably like contests, exclusive content, and smug commentary right? Then why aren't you liking Guyism on Facebook? Show some pride and click the "Like" button below right now: