SHOCKING NEWS: Faith healing may not work

Some teenager died because his family believes in faith healing. Light-hearted fun story to kick off your day!

Authorities say a teenager from a faith-healing family died from an illness that could have been easily treated, just a few months after a toddler cousin of his died in a case that has led to criminal charges.

Tuesday’s death of 16-year-old Neil Beagley, however, may not be a crime because Oregon law allows minors 14 and older to decide for themselves whether to accept medical treatment.

An autopsy Wednesday showed Beagley died of heart failure caused by a urinary tract blockage.

He likely had a congenital condition that constricted his urinary tract where the bladder empties into the urethra, and the condition of his organs indicates he had multiple blockages during his life, said Dr. Clifford Nelson, deputy state medical examiner for Clackamas County.

“You just build up so much urea in your bloodstream that it begins to poison your organs, and the heart is particularly susceptible,” Nelson said.

This faith thing seems like one of those things that’s great in theory, slightly less so in practice. Like when I have sex with many women without a condom and just say a Hail Mary before sliding it in. It’s like, wow, I feel so much better spiritually when there isn’t a thin layer of latex between me and the good Lord. Less good spiritually when sarcoma pops out. But then better spiritually when I can eat whatever I want and not gain weight! Yay faith!

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