Shrimp are terrifying

I like shrimp and have been known to enjoy committing genocide on dozens of them in the form of frozen shrimp cocktails. But if your kid is terrified of them, this might not be the best way to fix that problem (lower the sound volume before you play this unless you work in a place where screaming children is allowed and/or rewarded).

It’s easy to condemn this mother for torturing her child for the sake of a YouTube video. But what you’re not accounting for is that she’s torturing her child for an entertaining YouTube video. So that makes it entirely different and totally okay.

A lot of the YouTube comments on the video say, “Up, her she goes getting turned into a stripper.” But I don’t think that’s accurate. It’s the mom f’ing with her, not the dad. So she’ll grow up hating women. Which means that she won’t be looking for reasons to hate men, but rather reasons to hate women. So, in fact, the mother may have made her daughter into a successful Republican woman. BECAUSE THEY HATE WOMEN! And that my friends, is why I never do political satire.

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