So which of these is she fucking first

I don’t really know how to introduce this photo so just look at it and really let it soak in.

Now sure, you may be thinking, “This is entirely out of context.” But when you’re holding a fat, midget-sized squash and your dog and there’s a palpable sense of fear on both their faces, something’s not right. I love animals and take an embarrassingly large number of adorable photos of my pets…I get that. But a huge squash with a dog? I’m not sure that conveys the image you want people to perceive of you. You might as well be holding up a Grey’s Anatomy DVD and a Lean Cuisine dinner so everyone can really get a sense of what your lonely nights are all about.

In related news, I really hope she can’t f that squash. Not that I think we shouldn’t be objectifying squash or anything because every squash is a dirty whore just waiting to be ravaged, but because could you imagine the type of vagina that would fit that? It’d have to look like a cartoon tunnel painted onto a wall.

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