Student uses snake as jump rope

Jump ropes are very expensive due to their high concentration of both jumping and rope. Fortunately, some hero in Pittsburgh though, “Hey, let’s go green” and opted to use a snake instead.

A local high school student will soon face charges for what he’s accused of doing with a snake in school.

Police say the 17-year-old stole a snake from the biology room at Allderdice High School Monday and began using it as a jump rope.

The reptile is still alive and is being checked out by a veterinarian.

Police say the student will be charged in juvenile court with theft and cruelty to animals.

Fuck that. Do you see that snake in the photo above? That’s what EVERY snake would love to do to you. Snakes do NOT like us. I mean, a snake basically led to humanity being on God’s craplist for the rest of forever. Not only should we use snakes for jump ropes, we should use them for belts, umbrella rods, and nooses. Sure the occasional venom bite or complete swallowing would be less than ideal, but the continuing oppression of reptilian douchebaggery seems more than worth the effort. Slither your way into the Supreme Court to challenge that one, bastards.

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