THE GREATEST FART STORY EVER TOLD

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The video was a lame attempt at warming you up for this story…

I was at Bed, Bath and Beyond Sunday with my fiancee(spare me the lame gay jokes). Anyways, my morning coffee starting to feed into the depths of my bowels at an inopportune time. While the worker was explaining to us how to use the scanning gun (we were registering), my insides started rumbling. I let out a couple of farts just to serve as a warning to those around me. Because we were moving at a fast pace around at the store , it dissipated before its full concentration could be felt.

Lucky for them.

After we had received our instructions and amidst much sweating and squeezing of my legs, I ran to the bathroom.

As I dashed in, I noticed a small child with his father ready to go into one of the stalls.

I paused briefly, knowing the evil that would leave my ass in about 15 seconds might scar the young tot for the rest of his life.

After weighing the options, I decided that my right to take a massive crap trumped this boys right to have nightmares for years to come.

As I plopped on the toilet with no time to spare, the hardest, loudest fart that ever left a human erupted from my butt…

I sat there, legs quivering, wondering how the hell my body was capable of something that powerful…

There was total silence in the bathroom for about 15 seconds. I bit down on my lip to refrain from laughing, not knowing what else to do…

And then I heard the young boy say…

“Daddy, did you hear that?”

I couldn’t help myself…I started laughing. And not the normal “haha” laugh but the uncontrollable laugh where you start crying.

The dad, who probably didn’t know what to do himself, also started to laugh. The boy, who couldn’t have been more than 3 or 4 started laughing too, although, I’m sure he wasn’t exactly sure what was going on.

After 60 seconds of pure hilarity, I heard the dad try to encourage his son to go potty.

The boy kept telling his dad that he didn’t have to. A couple of brief exchanges and about 3 minutes later, they seemed done.

I was still on the toilet waiting for them to leave. I didn’t want that uncomfortable feeling of leaving at the same time.

As the boy passed by my stall, he stopped to try and peep in through the crack in the door. His dad quickly grabbed him by the arm and told him that “its not nice to do things like that”.

While washing their hands, the boy and his dad had one of the most classic exchanges I’ve ever heard…

Boy: Daddy, can you do that?
Dad: Do what Mark? (that was the boys name)
Boy: Do what that guy did?
Dad: Mark, nobody can do what that guy did. And he started laughing when they walked out the door.

I sat there on the toilet triumphant. Knowing full well I had changed the course of human events forever…

I walked out of the bathroom with my head held up high. When I found my fiancee, she asked me why I was smiling and laughing and I said…

“I’ll tell you another time…It’s the Greatest Story you’ll ever hear”

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