The Jessica Simpson says "Moo"
Chris Spags From the announcement of nominees for the Annual Academy of Country Music Awards (also known as the Confederacy).
Jessica Simpson was forced to appear in public to present the nominees and hiding behind the podium worked about as well for her as King Kong hiding behind the Empire State building. She looks really big and happy which is awesome for her but terrible for me because I’d like to f a fat Jessica Simpson about as much as I’d like to rub a cheese grater on my balls. I guess I’d still do her out of a sense of obligation to old Jessica Simpson, but fantasizing about her being an old version of herself while boning her would probably be the first time a man has fantasized about the woman he’s f’ing while in the actual act. And it’d open up some sort of time travel portal or wormhole. Which would just be awkward because I’d get sucked through and then she’d just get stuck in the hole and I’d have to rub butter on her and she’d just keep licking it off while I get frustrated. God my fantasies suck.
follow guyism:
Other Stories You Might LIke
Miley Cyrus loves penis cake more than I’ve ever loved anything in my life
Sasha Grey reads to grade school kids, school denies it ever happened
Demi Lovato’s Twitter bikini pics show us all, uh, a lesson in empowerment
comment on this story
blog comments powered by Disqus